Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercises. What do you think about the cause of this problem? How can you address this?

In some countries, health professionals have studied that physical
exercises
are not being taken enough by individuals.
This
essay will explain
further
details about the addressed problem by providing the root causes and the solutions for it. Looking from an
overall
perspective, we know that the growth, which is widely happening right now, of every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
of our life through globalization has changed the way people live from its origin.
For instance
,
technology
has taken over the traditional way of communication and socialization from mankind to make them more busy and not reachable.
As a result
, they cannot get away from their gadget and stay in the same position from time to time with barely time to do leisure activities
such
as physical
exercises
. With regards to the initial of
this
endpoint
was
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
a gadget, governments could give a regulation or a program on addressing
this
to create a healthier community.
This
can be done by providing more free sports areas and reducing the working hours at the workplace. Another reason to be discussed is how parents nowadays give their offspring to
be interfered
Change to the active voice
interfere
have interfered
show examples
with
technology
too soon.
Consequently
, they would be far away from sports activities, outdoor games, socialization with their environment, and so on. The implementation of physical
exercises
should be taught as soon as possible as children are still in the learning process. We surely have thought that they would be the next generation as they will
then
need to keep themselves healthy.
Therefore
, we need to address
this
habit to be built and used by many parents in every country. In conclusion, physical
exercises
are one of the top notes for countries to
be implemented
Wrong verb form
implement
show examples
as thought by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors. The root causes are defined mostly by using
technology
either by the adult or their offspring.
This
problem could be solved if we can ask governments to provide supporting devices to do the
exercises
and parents should teach their children that from the beginning
whereas
giving
technology
too soon.
Submitted by studymeterr on

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coherence cohesion
The essay addresses the topic, and there is a logical structure present. However, you should ensure that your essay's paragraphs are clearly divided, each with a single, well-developed idea. Sometimes the point of a paragraph is not clear. Use a range of cohesive devices, but make sure they are used accurately and help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
You provided an overview of the issue and suggested some potential solutions, which generally meets the task requirements. To score higher, explicitly address all parts of the prompt. The essay should thoroughly explore both causes and solutions and present a balanced discussion. Make sure every paragraph advances your argument and supports your stance on the issue. Including more specific examples could enhance the essay as well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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