Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercises. What do you think about the cause of this problem? How can you address this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In some countries, health professionals have studied that physical
exercises
Use synonyms
are not being taken enough by individuals.
This
Linking Words
essay will explain
further
Linking Words
details about the addressed problem by providing the root causes and the solutions for it. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
perspective, we know that the growth, which is widely happening right now, of every
aspects
Change to a singular noun
aspect
show examples
of our life through globalization has changed the way people live from its origin.
For instance
Linking Words
,
technology
Use synonyms
has taken over the traditional way of communication and socialization from mankind to make them more busy and not reachable.
As a result
Linking Words
, they cannot get away from their gadget and stay in the same position from time to time with barely time to do leisure activities
such
Linking Words
as physical
exercises
Use synonyms
. With regards to the initial of
this
Linking Words
endpoint
was
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
a gadget, governments could give a regulation or a program on addressing
this
Linking Words
to create a healthier community.
This
Linking Words
can be done by providing more free sports areas and reducing the working hours at the workplace. Another reason to be discussed is how parents nowadays give their offspring to
be interfered
Change to the active voice
interfere
have interfered
show examples
with
technology
Use synonyms
too soon.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they would be far away from sports activities, outdoor games, socialization with their environment, and so on. The implementation of physical
exercises
Use synonyms
should be taught as soon as possible as children are still in the learning process. We surely have thought that they would be the next generation as they will
then
Linking Words
need to keep themselves healthy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we need to address
this
Linking Words
habit to be built and used by many parents in every country. In conclusion, physical
exercises
Use synonyms
are one of the top notes for countries to
be implemented
Wrong verb form
implement
show examples
as thought by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors. The root causes are defined mostly by using
technology
Use synonyms
either by the adult or their offspring.
This
Linking Words
problem could be solved if we can ask governments to provide supporting devices to do the
exercises
Use synonyms
and parents should teach their children that from the beginning
whereas
Linking Words
giving
technology
Use synonyms
too soon.
Submitted by studymeterr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The essay addresses the topic, and there is a logical structure present. However, you should ensure that your essay's paragraphs are clearly divided, each with a single, well-developed idea. Sometimes the point of a paragraph is not clear. Use a range of cohesive devices, but make sure they are used accurately and help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
You provided an overview of the issue and suggested some potential solutions, which generally meets the task requirements. To score higher, explicitly address all parts of the prompt. The essay should thoroughly explore both causes and solutions and present a balanced discussion. Make sure every paragraph advances your argument and supports your stance on the issue. Including more specific examples could enhance the essay as well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: