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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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The juvenile years years indeed a delightful time for the majority of the crowd.
However
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, some people
belive
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believe
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 that a mature life brings more happiness despite greater
burdnes
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burdens
. In my opinion, I completely agree with the first statement and I am going to elaborate on both
persepectives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
 in forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, a teenager does not have many responsibilities to handle because they have their parents to provide for their needs.
Secondly
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, in adolescent times, they can do whatever they want to do despite thinking about the consequences.
For instance
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, they can decide without considering many aspects of their growth because they can rely upon their relatives if anything bad ever happens.
Thirdly
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, the main advantage of youth is that often young folk do not have health-related issues like the elderly.
Furthermore
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, they can freely move and do extreme sports impulsively,
while
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 adults have more fragile bone structures.
On the other hand
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, certain communities in their middle age era admit that their activity is more exciting rather than their
teen hood
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teenhood
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. Simply because in adulthood, they are occupied and can afford kinds of stuff with their own income.
Additionally
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, individuals in these ages could experience something big in their stages of life
such
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 as marriage, having children
as well as
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 living
indepedently
Correct your spelling
independently
 on their property.
Besides
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 the pleasurable part, numerous duties to handle in midlife lead to mental health issues arising.
As a result
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, 85% of suicide incidents worldwide were committed by elders.
Due to
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this
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, it seems to me that younger generations are much happier since they hold little roles. In a nutshell, living at a young age is more bliss than being an adult in terms of the role they are playing.
Apart from
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this
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, it depends on the person who goes through
this
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as well as
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 both periods of living are worth savouring.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structural flow throughout the essay, with a distinct introduction, development of ideas, and a conclusion. Each paragraph should have one clear main idea and subsequent sentences should support that idea coherently.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion were present, but the conclusion could better summarize the essay's main points and your stance on the issue. Refrain from introducing new ideas in the conclusion which were not discussed in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Develop each main point with detailed and specific support, including evidence or examples. Ensure that these examples are directly related to the argument and clarify their relevance.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task prompts thoroughly. Discuss both sides of the argument evenly and present a balanced view before providing your own clear opinion.
task achievement
Develop your ideas clearly and comprehensively, ensuring that each point is detailed and explained fully. Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate your ideas effectively.
task achievement
To score higher on task achievement, use relevant and specific examples that clearly support your main points. The examples given were too general and need to be more detailed and focused to directly back up your argument.
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