Cities are becoming overcrowded. What are the causes of this situation, and what can be done to improve this situation?
For decades, the number of
people
has been increasing significantly, creating an overcrowded world with limited food and energy supplies. A stigma around several societies is one of the reasons regarding this
issue, and there is a way to tackle this
problem, which will be explained further
on.
To begin
with, uncontrolled births in many families are the effect of a stigma that has been around for centuries, especially in developed countries. Indonesia is one of the most overcrowded countries in the world, and the reason for this
issue is that many people
believe that more children will bring more blessings and prosperity to their lives. This
principle has been passed for generations, and yet there are no experiments to prove this
theory. Therefore
, solving the overcrowded cities could be started from their society.
To overcome this
matter, education holds a solid position to increase awareness in society, especially for the people
in rural areas. The government and social organizations could inform the risk of having too many children and introduce them to the birth-controlling program to prevent this
matter. Other than that, people
should be introduced to birth-controlling technology, such
as hormonal pills and vasectomy.
In conclusion, a stigma that has been around for centuries can lead to many uncontrolled births and overcrowded cities, and society should have enough awareness to tackle this
issue and improve people
's welfare in each layer of the city.Submitted by writingielts0 on
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. Your intro did not thoroughly set the context, and the causes of overcrowding were not clearly explained. The suggested solutions were only tangentially related to the issue of urban overcrowding and lacked depth and specific detail.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs with better linking expressions, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded and explained thoroughly. Use cohesive devices effectively to demonstrate a clear relationship between ideas.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...