IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Development in tourism offer very little direct benefit for residents who live in these areas. To what extent do you agree?

#development #tourism #offer #benefit #residents #areas
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There are some people who think that the
locals
Use synonyms
 who live in
places
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 of tourist destinations have tiny advantages.
However
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, cultivating
tourism
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 helps them grow their economy, from my perspective, I agree that constantly improving
tourism
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industries
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 is important because they can make more income.
Firstly
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, some
tourism
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industries
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 provide little income for
locals
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due to
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 a lot of those businesses do not involve them, those
industries
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 prefer to use their selected workers.
This
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 is because they think that the
locals
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 do not have the capability to run the
industries
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.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, many
tourism
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 businesses are exploiting backwoods
places
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 so the distinction of human resources is large.
Secondly
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, the citizens who live in tourist destination
places
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 still obtain advantages. They can utilize that industry to make a profit.
This
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 is because they reside in that place, which is close to the
tourism
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 area.
For example
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, they can cooperate with the industry to open small and medium enterprises,
this
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 can attract more people to visit the
places
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 and create symbiotic mutualism between
locals
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 and
tourism
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 management.
Although
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 the
tourism
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 industry gives the
locals
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 a small impact on their economy, it is necessary to cultivate that consistently. It is a promising business in the future for equitable economic growth.
This
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 is because those businesses operate in underdeveloped areas. In conclusion, whilst many think that
tourism
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industries
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 have little impact on the
locals
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 that live in these
places
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, the
tourism
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 business needs to continue developing and involving the residents to reduce economic inequality.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. Ensure that your introduction sets the tone for the essay, and that the conclusion effectively summarizes your points. Improve cohesion by using linking words and creating a proper flow between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
The response to the task is incomplete. You should fully address all parts of the prompt, clearly convey your position on the matter, and ensure that your essay remains focused on the question. Provide a balanced argument with developed ideas and relevant examples from the beginning to the end of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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