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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

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Learning to distinguish the right and wrong acts, by all accounts, is hugely consequential at an early
age
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. It is
also
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 argued that
punishment
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 is needed in
this
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 learning process. I totally agree with the statement owing to the ability of
children
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 to learn in an early stage of their lives.
Along with
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this
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 essay, I will provide an example of valuable
punishment
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 that can be taken as a measure. There are some reasons parents should instil good manners as soon as possible in their offspring. During the golden
age
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,
children
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 will learn better than adults. Not only do they are easier to understand, but
also
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 they are able to accept particular knowledge taught.
This
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 is because
children
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, at an early
age
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, seem like a white paper on which people can write words down. Unlike older ones who tend to be influenced by their prior knowledge,
thus
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, sorely hindering them from learning.
Therefore
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, the early stage of life is especially the best time to learn. More importantly, parents and teachers may utilize
punishment
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 as a tool to foster
children
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's understanding towards good and bad manners. They should rely on the level of
punishment
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 given to the students on their ages,
however
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, and choose an educated one. Those who break the rules,
for instance
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, can be asked to simply ask for forgiveness and give an explanation of why they need to do
such
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 action. Through
this
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 treatment,
children
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 will unconsciously understand their misconduct.
As a result
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, they might remember it easily and implement it in the long run. In conclusion, it is essential to instil an understanding of the right and wrong attitudes in
children
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's golden
age
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, and both parents and teachers might enable
children
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 to learn by giving a suitable
punishment
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.

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content
Ensure the introduction clearly presents your position on the topic. The introduction provided does indicate agreement with the statement but could be further enhanced with a clearer thesis statement.
development
Aim to develop fully supported main points. The ideas presented are somewhat general, and further development using specific examples would enhance the quality of the argument.
structure
Include a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to enhance the logical flow of your essay. Ensure each paragraph introduces and concludes its main idea clearly.
position
Advance your position throughout the essay and conclude each point with how it impacts or supports your overall view. Your conclusion could create a stronger impact by summarizing your key arguments and reiterating your stance succinctly.
examples
Provide more specific, relevant examples to support your main ideas. The example given about asking for forgiveness is a good start but lacks detail and relevance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Moral development
  • Positive reinforcement
  • Negative reinforcement
  • Behavioral psychology
  • Disciplinary methods
  • Corporal punishment
  • Psychological effects
  • Authoritative parenting
  • Permissive parenting
  • Behavioural correction
  • Ethical considerations
  • Legal frameworks
  • Cognitive development
  • Social norms
  • Character building
  • Restorative practices
  • Authoritarian approach
  • Constructive criticism
  • Pro-social behavior
  • Conditioning
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