Too much emphasis to given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, community spend their main budget to create educational and physical action for the young generation. I agree that more authority money should be spent on the free age exercise of young
people
.
Firstly
, spending money on young people
is the best investment. Almost in all people
, schools are free and schools have more free age action for pupils. For instance
, if school children have extra era, they could go to additional free courses or any kind of sports. As a result
, these action
help to decrease any health problems and educational issues. Ever, in more European Change the determiner
actions
people
, universities are also
free for all such
as Germany, France, Italy,..etc. Additionally
, too much investigation into education can bring more economic and political value to the ministry. For example
, if the law gives more emphasis to education, scientists will create more useful things and the
politics can sell them all over the world.
Correct article usage
apply
Secondly
, it takes more budget. The regime takes money from taxes to spending for any kind of sphere. In this
case, to spend more budget on the future of education, the country needs to increase taxes. But it will be less problem for not developed community. Additionally
, Children also
need more free hour
to play with their piers.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that governments should allocate their primary resources to the young generation. Fix the agreement mistake
hours
This
investment not only contributes significantly to the development of individuals but also
fosters economic and political progress. However
, it is imperative to strike a balance ensuring that young people
are granted sufficient free moment
to enjoy their childhood, thereby fostering a holistic development approach.Fix the agreement mistake
moments
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and provides arguments for both sides. However, some ideas are not fully developed or are slightly unclear. Ensure to explain your points more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
There are a few issues with the logical structure and flow of the essay. Try to organize your points better and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
task achievement
Some of the examples provided are relevant but lacking in detail. Stronger, more specific examples would help to better illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in delivering a coherent message.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by discussing both the investment in education and the need for free time activities for young people.