Too much emphasis to given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#emphasis #education #government #money #time #activity #people

Nowadays, community spend their main budget to create educational and physical action for the young generation. I agree that more authority money should be spent on the free age exercise of young

people

Firstly

, spending money on young

people

is the best investment. Almost in all

people

, schools are free and schools have more free age action for pupils.

For instance

, if school children have extra era, they could go to additional free courses or any kind of sports.

As a result

, these

action

Change the determiner

actions

show examples

help to decrease any health problems and educational issues. Ever, in more European

people

, universities are

also

free for all

such

as Germany, France, Italy,..etc.

Additionally

, too much investigation into education can bring more economic and political value to the ministry.

For example

, if the law gives more emphasis to education, scientists will create more useful things and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

politics can sell them all over the world.

Secondly

, it takes more budget. The regime takes money from taxes to spending for any kind of sphere. In

this

case, to spend more budget on the future of education, the country needs to increase taxes. But it will be less problem for not developed community.

Additionally

, Children

also

need more free

hour

Fix the agreement mistake

hours

show examples

to play with their piers. In conclusion, I firmly believe that governments should allocate their primary resources to the young generation.

This

investment not only contributes significantly to the development of individuals but

also

fosters economic and political progress.

However

, it is imperative to strike a balance ensuring that young

people

are granted sufficient free

moment

Fix the agreement mistake

moments

show examples

to enjoy their childhood, thereby fostering a holistic development approach.

Wed Jun 05 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the prompt and provides arguments for both sides. However, some ideas are not fully developed or are slightly unclear. Ensure to explain your points more thoroughly.

coherence cohesion

There are a few issues with the logical structure and flow of the essay. Try to organize your points better and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.

task achievement

Some of the examples provided are relevant but lacking in detail. Stronger, more specific examples would help to better illustrate your points.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in delivering a coherent message.

task achievement

You present a balanced view by discussing both the investment in education and the need for free time activities for young people.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

overemphasis
burnout
well-being
mental health
social inclusion
non-academic skills
recreational facilities
antisocial behaviors
extracurricular activities
diverse interests
personal growth
real-world skills
intellectual society
undue stress
teamwork
societal development

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
In some countries، owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negative situation?
In some nations, owing a proberty in your name has significant imprortant and more prefered than renting. because it give sens of safty and ownership for it is people. I believe it is nessary for any indivisual to have there own place,
<4
band
The illustration below depicts the water cycle, which is the ongoing circulation of water on, above, and below the Earth's surface.
The illustration below depicts the water cycle, which is the ongoing circulation of water on, above, and below the Earth's surface.
4.5
band
The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child, so that all children can read, write and use numbers.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Poornes has been a major problem in developing countries and unfortunately, many kids in the poor countries still difficulty paying for their education. However, some people believe that free education for at least six years for every kid are necessarily needed so that all children can learn how to read, write, and count numbers. I strongly agree with this opinion, and in this essay, I will elaborate my reasons.
5
band
In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
In recent years, significant amount of people tend to live in cities instead of outskirts Consequently, a number of places have been faced the issue of depopulation. In my perspective, there are more advantages in compared to drawbacks.
<4
band
In the future ,we will have more and more leisure time as machines replace many of the tasks we do at home and at work.Discuss the challenges and benefits this will bring
Some argued that individulas will have more free time when the robots replace them in multitasks ,whether, at home or job . As benefits aritificial intellegence will contribute in comfortable of human,moreover, increasing of work accuracy.In contrast. Robots will create a massive jobless individuals also people will lack the ability to do the simple work.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Too much emphasis to given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

In some countries، owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. why might this be the case? do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

The illustration below depicts the water cycle, which is the ongoing circulation of water on, above, and below the Earth's surface.

The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by providing at least six years of free education for each child, so that all children can read, write and use numbers.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the future ,we will have more and more leisure time as machines replace many of the tasks we do at home and at work.Discuss the challenges and benefits this will bring

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+