IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
When we want to visit other cities, it will make us spend so much
money
Use synonyms
, especially for fuel. Not just that, when we want to go to somewhere which is far from us, it will take so much time. In order to minimize that kind of problems, people think that the government should have spent large amount of
money
Use synonyms
 in order to construct new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. The other public
opinion
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 believes that the
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent on improving existing public transport, like buses, existing trains, taxi, and many others. The first
opinion
Use synonyms
 can make our life easier and we can reduce the time that we have to spent on going somewhere else. But the disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 condition are: it is going to need more land in order to construct the rail. The need of more lands could lead to many other bad impacts
such
Linking Words
 as losing job that could lead to the rise of unemployment society.
This
Linking Words
 is a serious condition because the high numbers of unemployment society can
also
Linking Words
 increase the number of criminalities in Indonesia. Those who don’t get any job will steal others
money
Use synonyms
, and do many other bad things. In my
opinion
Use synonyms
, the second
opinion
Use synonyms
 is the safest way to improve our country. Improving public transport could lead to many advantages
such
Linking Words
 as: the decrease of unemployment society since many companies start to recruit more staffs. It is better when we can change our public transportation to the electric one, since it is safer to the environment. Many people concern that adding public transportation can cause more traffic jam, but that kind of situation can be fixed if we add different street for public transportation – just as what I saw in Jakarta, or we can add other beneficial traffic systems in our country.
Submitted by igbalalfariezy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Strengthen your introduction and conclusion. The introduction can be made more impactful by clearly stating the contrasting views and specifically mentioning that you'll share your opinion. The conclusion should succinctly summarize both views and your final opinion.
relevant specific examples
Use specific examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, mention actual cities or countries as case studies where investing in high-speed trains or improving existing public transport has yielded positive results.
supported main points
Balance your arguments by acknowledging counterpoints. When discussing the consumption of land for high-speed rails, mention solutions such as technologies that minimize land use or alternative forms of compensation for affected individuals.
logical structure
You present clear, logical arguments on both sides of the issue, making the essay easy to follow.
complete response
The essay covers the task requirements well by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
You offer practical solutions, such as electric public transportation and separate lanes for buses, which enrich the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: