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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people argue that when children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough, the children will be sucessful in life. Some think that it will lead to negative pressure on children. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There has been a growing belief that when
children
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
 frequently suggest that they can be successful and get everything if they take big enough action,
while
Linking Words
 other people critically that it can put bad pressure on
children
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.
This
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 essay agrees that positive affirmation will have a good effect on
children
Use synonyms
’s future;
however
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,
this
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 essay will still cover both sides. On one hand, the availability of an open environment at
school
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 that suggests
children
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’s bravery to dream big can have a positive impact on their mindset.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 at
school
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 will make their maximum effort to learn the subjects and join some extracurriculars that they believe can benefit their target achievement.
In addition
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, having an optimistic life perception to pursue their dreams.
For example
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, when students at primary
school
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 want to be pilots, they will take seriously
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 physics and math and
also
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 join science clubs to develop their interests.
On the other hand
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, some might assume that it can bring bad impact and tension when it comes to forcing
children
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 to take enough hard work. Typically, competition plays a big part in how
children
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 get ranked at
school
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, so it will make not only pupils but
also
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 the parents stress to become the best in the class. The competitive atmosphere can have a negative side on how
children
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 view
school
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 and life, it can deny the collaboration benefit as a part of indicator to achieve the goal.
For example
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, when exam terms happen, a student will tend to be more individualistic and just focus on their mark. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 will learn that positive affirmation of working hard to achieve their goal can influence their mindset,
while
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 some people oppose and state the negative effect will impact.
However
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, as long as we keep the
children
Use synonyms
’s efforts balanced during their study time, the good sides are undeniably favourable.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure the essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and summarize the main points. Each body paragraph should discuss one main point related to the topic, supported by relevant examples or explanation. Finally, the conclusion should summarize the main points and state your opinion clearly.
Task Achievement
It is important to fully address all parts of the task prompt, including discussing both views and giving your own opinion. Be sure to provide clear, comprehensive reasons and examples for both sides of the argument, and state your own position clearly, supporting it with strong arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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