Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older. While others thinks that they should stay at home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some say leaving the parents and home creates the real man,

while

some think that staying with the family will be better. Personally, I do agree with the first idea and encourage the young to leave their homes and find an experience.

Firstly

, the young are able to learn much faster than the older.

According to

many research have told us that in the age teenage is a good time to learn to succeed and fail.

Furthermore

, at

this

age

Add a comma

age,

show examples

they will be taught by the environment and they will remember the whole thing in a short period. So that, they will learn more thing

then

the older.

Secondly

, When the young stay by themselves, they will grow their mindset including attitude and self-control. All of these skills which called soft skills not only make them grow but

also

make them to be an better adult because what necessary is not to be perfect but responsible. Self-control and discipline will always be in their conscious if they are taught to learn by them-self, when they need to face a problem, they will know how to deal with it.

On the other hand

, some argue that not everyone will be able to leave their parent and learn by themselves. Leaving their life at a young age requires a budget

that is

enough for living at the

begining

Correct your spelling

beginning

Moreover

, living by themselves is not proper for everyone because of different backgrounds,

thus

someone

Correct your spelling

some

show examples

might still need advice from their parents or the older that have more experience to guide them in the right . In my opinion, I do encourage

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

teenager to leave their home when younger because it has pros more than cons because sooner or later, everyone must leave to have their own life.

Although

there are many arguments there are many ways to solve each problem

such

some may have a problem when need to live by themselves, and they should be provided advice and guidance on how to live by themself.

However

, it might be hard for someone to learn in the first step but in the end, we will a quality adults in society.

Submitted by amittawin on Sun Jan 14 2024

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task achievement

Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. Nevertheless, some of your main points are not fully developed with specific examples, which is crucial for substantiating your arguments.

coherence cohesion

The organization of your ideas could be improved by creating clearer and more logical connections between them. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences more effectively.

coherence cohesion

A conclusion is present but could be strengthened. Make sure it clearly summarizes the main points of your argument and restates your opinion in a concise and compelling way.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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15Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

358 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older. While others thinks that they should stay at home with family. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Include an introduction and conclusion

The best way to obtain/ the key to/ most important factor in job satisfaction is salary. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Best-way)

Learning English at school is often seen as more important than learning local languages. If these are not taught, many are at risk of dying out. In your opinion, is it important for everyone to learn English? Should we try to ensure the survival of local languages and, if so, how?

In the future all cars, buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people travelling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people think that newspaper are the best way to learn about the news. However, others believe that they can learn the news more effectively through other media. Discuss both these news and give your own opinion.