IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programes. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programes
It is argued that voluntary activities should be included in high school
programes
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
.
This
 essay completely agrees with
this
 statement. Voluntary services in high school have a positive impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
students
 in their social skills
as well as
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their personal improvement. On one hand, when a
student
join
Change the verb form
joins
show examples
 a voluntary program they will interact with other
students
 who join the same activities. A
student
 will get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
training there not only in
hardskill
Correct your spelling
hard skill
hard skills
 but
also
softskill
Correct your spelling
soft skill
soft skills
. When
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 joined an unpaid
community
service
 years ago,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
got
Verb problem
developed
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 learning which is very
helfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 in my social life as it helped raise my
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
 when presenting or talking
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on one
Correct your spelling
one-on-one
show examples
 with a person, or in front of spectators.
Students
 can
also
get
Verb problem
make
show examples
 new friends
in
Change preposition
through
show examples
community
 services
Furthermore
, joining a voluntary program is good for a
student
's emotional
inteligence
Correct your spelling
intelligence
. My friend told
how
Correct pronoun usage
me how
show examples
 joining
this
 program
rise
Verb problem
raised
show examples
 his awareness and he got some satisfaction because he helped people in need. A journal
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 read stated that when a
student
 who joined an
upaid
Correct your spelling
unpaid
community
service
 was better in their ethic and
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 compared to
students
 who didn't.
This
 happened to my nephew as he joined
an
Change the article
a
show examples
community
service
 in our local church. He said that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
since
Change preposition
apply
show examples
joining
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
our local church
community
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
raised his
emphaty
Correct your spelling
empathy
. In conclusion, to improve their social and personal skills, for a high percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
, unpaid
community
service
 should be
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
mandatory in
high
Add an article
the high
show examples
 school curriculum.
Submitted by samtridortua on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the logical structure of your essay includes clear paragraphing, with each paragraph having a central idea and supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion need to clearly present the main argument and effectively summarize the discussion. Both should be distinct and emphasise your viewpoint.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Avoid generalizations and strive to provide clear and precise illustrations from personal experiences or external references.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by providing a clear opinion and thoroughly exploring the issues related to the question. Stick closely to the topic without including irrelevant information.
task achievement
Present ideas comprehensively while maintaining a logical flow. This means paragraphs should clearly connect to each other and ideas should be explained fully.
task achievement
Incorporate a range of relevant, specific examples to support your arguments. Personal anecdotes can be effective, but make sure they directly support your central thesis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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