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Band 5

Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#risks
Taking
risks
 can lead to fundamental variations in both professional and personal aspects of
life
. As we know, there are vivid advantages to taking
risks
, like achieving new opportunities and improving
life
 levels,
otherwise
, there are irrefutable negative aspects, including isolation from society and financial bankruptcy.in total I think the advantages of taking
risks
 outweigh the disadvantages. To
being
Verb problem
begin
show examples
 with, individuals just by taking
risks
 can make basic changes in their
life
 situations get out from routine experience a new space, and Get to know new individuals.
As a result
, an intelligent person knows new relationships lead to achieving new opportunities and
extend
Wrong verb form
extending
show examples
 their fields.
Moreover
, people
when
Correct word choice
who
show examples
 abandon their employee
life
 and begin
entrepreneur
Fix the agreement mistake
entrepreneurs
show examples
 can make money more than used to, so when successes come they
come
Verb problem
have
show examples
 confidence in themselves. In essence, taking
risks
 can be a catalyst for positive Chang and progress.
On the other hand
, failure to take
risks
 has emotional and economic consequences.
This
 may lead to a mental breakdown and
accordingly
, the person is isolated from society. It is a huge problem for individuals and society if the failed person stays in
this
 situation and can not come back
such
 as mentally and economically, maybe it leads to criminals and next problems. In conclusion, taking
risks
 can have
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
magnificent advantages which outweigh the disadvantages, like achieving new opportunities, success, and making money,
while
 it has disadvantages
such
 as emotional consequences and financial bankruptcy.
Therefore
, it is important to know that, embrace
risks
 Influence in both aspects of professional and personal lives.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Coherence and Cohesion
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Task Achievement
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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