Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Many
countries
oblige young men to serve in the military for a period of time; and
some Change the punctuation
, and
;
people
suggest that such
‘national service
’ should be extended to all countries
and possibly for both genders. I would argue that although
military service
is beneficial to some it may not be suitable for everybody- and so should not be obligatory. However
, I see no reason why anyone who wishes to serve should be prevented from doing so, regardless of whether man or woman.
The argument most often advanced in favour of universal military service
is that it increases the skill set of young people
, who are forced to face challenges and see the benefits of discipline and training. Some people
even go further
in favour,
and argue that obligatory military Remove the comma
apply
service
would help to tackle the youth disorder which is a growing problem in many Western countries
. They also
say that if young people
were to serve some time in the military in different parts of the country to their home town, and with others who are also
from different regions, then
this
camaraderie would add to a sense of national unity and cohesion, and prove beneficial to society as a whole.
On the other hand
, critics argue that these ‘benefits’ are illusory. They say there is no real advantage in merely wasting time which could be more usefully spent otherwise
, that it leads to the militarization of youth, and that not all countries
need a large and expensive military presence anyway. Finally
, they question how appropriate it would be to force otherwise
peaceful people
into the military.
There are alternatives to military service
, though they are less common internationally. Instead
young Add a comma
Instead,
people
could take part in community service
programmes after leaving school. This
would still help to develop various skills in the same manner as military service
does,
Remove the comma
apply
while
making the young people
involved feel that they have an investment in their country and in improving the community in which they live. I would argue that this
kind of service
would be far more suitable for both men and women, as well as
beneficial to society at large.
To conclude
, while
military service
does have clear benefits there are also
some negative aspects related to how ethical it is to force people
to serve in the armed forces. For
this
reason, I would argue that there are other ways of developing young people
’s skills.Submitted by iamthenextawardee on
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Task Achievement
Ensure consistency in expressing your stance throughout the essay. While you displayed a clear opinion, maintaining this consistency across main points will further strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical flow and is well-organized. For further improvements, consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the connections between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Support your main ideas with more specific examples and evidence. While the essay presents a general discussion, more concrete examples would enhance the clarity and persuasiveness of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, ensuring that the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points will increase its impact. Reiterate your stance and the main argument succinctly.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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