IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no logger pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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They are competing views on whether the advertisement effectively influences customers to buy the product.
Although
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 others believe
that is
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 commonplace and.
as a result
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, cannot draw peoples’ attention. I think it is still compelling because it creates the desire for the products it is selling. On the one hand, nowadays, it can be argued that social media platforms feed users with tons of commercial
advertisements
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. On
this
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 platform, there are endless
advertisements
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, as the photos or videos that influence posts by dairy lives can be promoted in a certain way.
For instance
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, when you watch the video on YouTube for around 5 minutes, after starting the video, will display some advertisers for certain brands.
As a consequence
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, people may become queerrious about what those say to promote their products.
On the other hand
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, there are several reasons why
advertisements
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 lose their interest in clients. The quantity of
advertisements
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 is increasing dramatically as companies desire to have a thriving revenue index.
Thus
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, the customers will feel annoyed if those commercials keep interrupting them
such
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 as the appearances of commercials
while
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 people are listening to music on several applications. Since, they must pay for a subscription in order not to be disrupted by commercials, which makes users irritated.
However
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, when they receive the merchandise, they feel disappointed about the quality because it does not match the price. In conclusion, I personally that advertising is now so ubiquitous that they are drawing no attention to society
due to
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 the redundancy and the low quality.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction should clearly present both views and your own opinion. Avoid ambiguity and be specific in stating the views.
Task Achievement
The main ideas are somewhat unclear and underdeveloped. Each paragraph should focus on explaining one view clearly, supported by specific and relevant examples.
Coherence & Cohesion
The coherence of your essay is weakened by grammatical inaccuracies and word choice errors. This affects the flow and understanding of your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay lacks clear topic sentences and cohesive devices, making it difficult to identify paragraphs and follow the argument. Work on structuring your paragraphs with clear main ideas.
Task Achievement
The conclusion should summarise both views and restate your opinion, ensuring that it answers the question fully and wraps up the argument.
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