IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, we are surround by advertising in our daily lives. Some people believe this has a positive effect on society. Others, however, say that it is a negative development. Discuss with both views and give your own opinion.

In
this
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 massive and fast-paced world, consumerism has led the way people live. As consumption increases,
advertisements
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 will make ways to make more money. Many believe that
this
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 phenomenon has upset people in many events. Other people believe
this
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 has more positive vibes and constructively engaging. In my opinion, sometimes
ads
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 help us to decide a thing in a short time but rather be annoyed many times.
Firstly
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, many online
advertisements
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 sometimes place their boxes in scattered ways on the screen. In my past experience, I often accidentally clicked the
ads
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 even if not with my intention because their ad boxes were everywhere on my screen. I were not happy with
this
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 action because
this
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 slowed my browsing experiments, especially when I were in a hurry. After seconds, I felt really annoyed.
Secondly
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, if we talk about online
advertisements
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, the programmers have already set how the
advertisements
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 work in a unique way. Google,
for instance
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, its machine learning will know what you are confused about to choosing a red or green dress by saving your historical browser data.
Then
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 they will show you
advertisements
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 (third-party) for different types of red dresses in the morning and green dresses in the evening. The aim is you will click one of the
advertisements
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 shown and they will earn commissions from the third party.
Consequently
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, for
this
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 matter, I would say
this
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 event is useful and has a positive vibe. In a nutshell, some
ads
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 rarely can not be avoided. The more we surf on the internet, the more they will provide us with third-party
ads
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. But
instead
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 of placing those
ads
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 in questionable ways, they should improve their layout though. Because screen layout will increase user experience and indeed upscale the value of
ads
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.

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introduction conclusion present
Your essay lacks a clear introduction which states both views and lacks a conclusion that summarises the main points and restates your opinion. Make sure to include these elements to guide the reader through your essay.
logical structure
Ensure that you use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing is clear. The flow between ideas and paragraphs could be improved for better clarity and structuring of the argument.
supported main points
While you generally address the task with some relevant examples, more development with stronger arguments or perspectives would enhance the overall quality of the essay. Try to expand on your points and give more detailed explanations of why these impacts occur.
complete response
Your response is relevant and you cover the topic, however, it would benefit from deeper exploration. Clear comprehensive ideas help in understanding the argument. Be clear about each viewpoint before discussing your own and each paragraph should have a clear main idea.
relevant specific examples
While you provided some examples, integrating a variety of specific examples into your arguments can help convey your points more effectively. Try to connect your examples directly to the main idea of each paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advertising
  • Consumer spending
  • Informative
  • Economic growth
  • Free content
  • Media
  • Over-commercialization
  • Materialistic values
  • Vulnerable groups
  • Misleading information
  • Information overload
  • Decision fatigue
  • Artificial needs
  • Overspending
  • Regulations
  • Consumer education
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