IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The most important aim of scinece should be to improve patient's lives. To what extent do you agrree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #scinece #patient #lives #agrree
Science has developed at a very rapid pace in the
last
 two centuries. It has helped in bringing reforms to help people live a healthy and better life.
Although
,
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 there are some aspects other than people's comfort that need explanation by
the
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scientists, I agree that the main objective of scientific innovation should be
upgradation
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the upgradation
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 of
living
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the living
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 standards of the population. Before the technological era, the communities used to face many problems.
Mnay
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Many
 new discoveries have helped to provide solutions.
Firstly
, in
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the helath
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helath
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health
 sector, the discovery of penicillin was a medical miracle that prevented
loss
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the loss
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 of precious lives
due to
 infections.There are hundreds of other medical inventions which have eased the suffering of humanity.Antituberculous drugs for tuberculosis, thrombolysis and angioplasty for heart attack, chemotherapy and radiotherapy for cancer are just a few examples.
Secondly
, the engineering revolution has enabled us to travel long distances in a very short span of time.
For instance
, aeroplanes, trains and motor vehicles have made it possible to explore the world which was once thought to be impossible.
Thirdly
,
the
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nanotechnology and genetic engineering
has
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have
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 played an important role in the field of agriculture
thus
 helping combat famines.
Moreover
,
the
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communication tools like smartphones have provided an opportunity to communicate with friends and families abroad.
Furthermore
, the internet has given access to every required information with just one click. We need the help of science in other fields as well.
For example
,
in understanding
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to understand
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 the outer world, we need space shuttles and satellites.
Also
,
the
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research on plants and animals is required to preserve the ecosystem.Sometimes,
the
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unique discoveries have been used for nefarious designs like the use of energy
equation
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equations
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 to make an atomic bomb that killed millions of people.
This
 negative utility of invention has disastrous consequences for mankind. To summarize, I think the main purpose of
scientific
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the scientific
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 revolution should be to provide
better
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a better
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 quality of life for the population.Other experiments should not be at the cost of
comfort
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the comfort
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 and lives of human beings.
Submitted by alishah2294 on

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Task Achievement
Consider proofreading your essay to correct minor spelling and grammar errors, as these can slightly distract from the overall clarity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the complexity of your sentences by varying their structure more consistently. This will add depth to your argumentation.
Task Achievement
You've done an excellent job in providing specific examples to support your arguments, particularly in relation to scientific advances in various fields.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
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