Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
The migration of the younger generation to urban areas is leaving many rural locations populated predominantly by the elderly.
This
essay argues that the loss of young people
from the rural landscape has problematic consequences. The two most serious are,
the depletion of the rural workforce and the loss of local education facilities.
When 18-Remove the comma
apply
30 year olds
move to towns and cities in search of new opportunities, they leave behind an ageing population to do all the work. Most employment in the countryside involves manual labour. Add a hyphen
30-year-olds
This
can be difficult for older people
to manage as it is far more suited to fit and healthy young adults. A government survey carried out over the past decade, reveals that the number of family farms being sold off to developers is increasing year by year. The main reason given for this
is that the parents can no longer manage to do all the hard work themselves and their sons and daughters have moved to urban areasto
seek new opportunities.
Correct your spelling
areas to
areas
Furthermore
, in many rural areas, there is no longer a village school for the local children to attend. With fewer young families living on the farms and in the villages, there are not enough kids to keep the local primary schools open. This
is a big loss to rural communities as it means that children still living in the countryside often have to travel a long way to school each day. In the region of Devon where I live, every village had its own school just forty years ago. Now only a handful of them still exist. Most have been converted into houses or holiday cottages.
In conclusion, the significant rise in the average age of people
living in rural areas has resulted in a lack of suitable people
to fill the workforce and the closure of the majority of village schools, causing hardship to local communitiesSubmitted by samtridortua on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that sets out the idea you will discuss in that paragraph. This creates a smooth flow and makes it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases effectively to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. However, avoid overuse or mechanical usage, which can reduce the impact of your argument.
task achievement
Maintain a balance between general statements and specific examples. Specific examples help to illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing. You provided relevant examples but can enhance the essay further by deeper exploration and discussion regarding the implications of your claims.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. In this essay, while you have provided some discussion on the negative development, you could have also provided some insights into the potential positive aspects of this trend for a more balanced argument, which is often expected in a 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' essay prompt.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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