IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

#museums #charge #admission #people
Some
people
 have some questions about the the charge for
admission
 is necessary or not. In my opinion, paying
admission
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
museums
 and artists is a
suscessful
Correct your spelling
successful
bahavior
Correct your spelling
way
 of supporting them, which is
also
 a form of allowing them to create
high quailty
Correct your spelling
high-quality
 articles for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human beings and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. First of all, the advantage of taking fees into the exhibitions or
museums
 is a beneficial thing to sponsor the artists.
Furthermore
, because of
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 supporting and
contributing
Replace the word
contribution
show examples
, the
creaters
Correct your spelling
creators
 will have more money and capabilities to showcase a significant number of
creation
Fix the agreement mistake
creations
show examples
 in
this
 community,
Therefore
, most visitors would be more willing to enjoy the
museums
Change to a genitive case
museum's
museums'
show examples
 hall for their hobbies.
For example
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Taipei
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
, the
admission
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there are 450NT, which is extremely expensive
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to the normal one(50NT).
However
, the experiences are more memorizing since the art
gallary
Correct your spelling
gallery
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 clean and
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
, which
also
 provides
high standard
Add a hyphen
high-standard
show examples
 artworks
let
Correct pronoun usage
that let
show examples
 most visitors feel the prices are worth it.
Additionally
, because of the International growth dramatically,
this
allowable
Add a missing verb
is allowable
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 who want to book the tickets with
admission
 in advance, the reason why they are inclined to do
that is
avoiding
Change the verb form
to avoid
show examples
 lining
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
 front of the exhibitions, if
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 prefer to go to a
gallary
Correct your spelling
gallery
 without any money, everyone
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to
lining
Change the verb
line
show examples
 for into there.
Consequently
,
charing
Correct your spelling
caring
show examples
 for into
museums
 with internet can saving
enumerous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 time
instead
 of lining.
Overall
, the
skiping
Correct your spelling
skipping
 lining and having higher visiting experiences are beneficial advantages why
people
 would prefer to pay the fares, which is
as well as
 a realistic action to support the artists to drawing greater pictures and
museums
 working
consistintly
Correct your spelling
consistently
, giving more opportunities to these
people
 who have strong willing to dive into the art communities.
Submitted by binyang212 on

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coherence cohesion
It is essential to develop coherent paragraphs with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea followed by supporting sentences. Avoid extraneous information and ensure there is a progression of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use a range of cohesive devices accurately and appropriately. Overuse or misuse of linking words can detract from the clarity of your argument.
task achievement
Task response requires you to fully address all parts of the prompt. Develop your argument with a clear position, and ensure you give equal treatment to the advantages and disadvantages if the question requires a discussion of both.
task achievement
In developing your ideas, provide specific examples that are clearly linked to the point you are making. General statements without focused examples can weaken your argument.
grammar
Check for grammatical accuracy and range, including sentence structure, verb tenses, and punctuation. Avoid repetition of vocabulary and structures, and use synonyms where possible to demonstrate lexical resource.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admission fee
  • Revenue stream
  • Maintenance
  • Overcrowding
  • Commercialization
  • Cultural heritage
  • Diverse attendance
  • Community ownership
  • Access to culture
  • Visitor experience
  • Exhibit quality
  • Cultural mission
  • Reliance on funding
  • Government subsidies
  • Cultural accessibility
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