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Band 7.5

The qualities that help people reach success in modern life cannot be learned in university or other academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#qualities #people #success #life #university #institutions
Nowadays, there has been criticism that what we need for
success
 in modern life cannot be obtained in any educational institution
such
 as a university.
However
, I strongly disagree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will explore
this
 topic and elaborate on the author's opinion.
Firstly
, most of those who uphold the statement above believe that they can reach
success
 without what they learned at school but with experiences they had after they graduated.
According to
 a survey which was conducted in 2018, 90 per cent of all respondents who are running companies stated that students don't have to go to universities because they can get most of the qualities they require for
success
 not by learning but by doing. In
this
 context, they regard the
success
 as maximization of their financial benefit.
On the other hand
, those who think it important to study at higher educational organisations believe that discussions, a process of expressing their own ideas with words, will be better training for younger generations.
In addition
, these discussions should go beyond beneficial purposes, which means the aim of discussions cannot be achieved in working experiences.
This
 is because only discussing without binary opposition between profit and loss can make them think of who they are and what they want to do, which is the most important thing in their life.
Thus
, I strongly disagree with the statement in the introduction part.
To sum up
, some people say that they don't have to take higher education like university to obtain qualities that help people reach
success
 in modern life, which is evident from the survey conducted in 2018.
However
, there is something we can do only in
such
 places. Discussion is one of those, and we need to discuss it with various people to get to know ourselves.
Submitted by m.kiyosu1997 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph clearly supports your argument, especially linking your real-life examples back to your broader point more explicitly.
task achievement
Try to strengthen the introduction by giving a clear outline of the points you will discuss in the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that appropriately introduce and summarize the main points.
supported main points
The use of real-life examples, like the survey from 2018, adds realism to your argument and supports your main points well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional intelligence
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • real-life experiences
  • creativity
  • problem-solving
  • networking
  • leadership
  • communication skills
  • practical application
  • ongoing learning
  • adaptable
  • innovative
  • academic curricula
  • academic qualifications
  • determination
  • perseverance
  • risk-taking
  • modern life success
  • theoretical knowledge
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