IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many species of animals all around the world are on the verge of extinction. Some say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say that we should concentrate more on the problems of human beings. Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Our planet is facing a major environmental crisis. The consequences are manifold and impact both animals and humans alike. In the wake of
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 a scenario, some naturalists profess that authorities should focus on conserving
wildlife
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 others believe that the problems of mankind should be prioritised. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay, I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
viewpoints and try to reach a conclusion.
Due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 incessant deforestation, mindless hunting and destruction of natural
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats

It seems that habitat may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
, many species are on the verge of extinction. Government agencies, in partnership with animal welfare groups, are working towards saving the endangered animals. Different animal species have a crucial role to play in the ecosystem.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, to maintain the ecological balance, it is mankind's prime responsibility to conserve and protect
wildlife
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, a section of people advocate that human beings are grappling with major issues,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as poverty, unemployment and homelessness and
thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, governments should give precedence to their needs.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they feel that funds should be allocated for alleviating the lot of the impoverished rather than being wasted on
wildlife
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 conservation. In conclusion, I would like to say that a holistic approach is required wherein both the problems of
wildlife
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 and mankind are given equal importance. Since man's excessive greed and desire for progress are the major causes of ecological imbalance, it is our duty to ensure that animals
thrives
Change the verb form
thrive

The singular verb thrives does not appear to agree with the plural subject animals. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
 in their natural environment.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we cannot ignore the dismal living conditions of those occupying the lowest rungs of the social ladder and policies directed towards ensuring their
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being

It seems that well being is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
 should be implemented without delay.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay somewhat adequately addresses the requirements of the task, but the argument and position could be clearer. Ensure that each viewpoint discussed is given a thorough analysis and that your own opinion is stated clearly, with a justification that supports it solidly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure, but you can improve coherence by ensuring clearer connections between ideas. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to better signal the relationship between different points, and ensure that the paragraph structure consistently supports the development of your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • verge of extinction
  • endangered species
  • ecological importance
  • biodiversity
  • ethical duty
  • ecosystems
  • medical and scientific research
  • ecotourism
  • limited availability of resources
  • socioeconomic issues
  • sustainable development
  • conservation efforts
  • preserve biodiversity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: