IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many nations, it is becoming mandatory to receive vaccinations in order to prevent the spread of disease. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#nations #vaccinations #spread #disease #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many
countries
Use synonyms
 require their citizens to
vaccinate
Wrong verb form
be vaccinated
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 is useful for preventing the
spread
Use synonyms
 of
disease
Use synonyms
. I agree with the obligation to vaccinate
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it is very good for preventing the
spread
Use synonyms
 of
disease
Use synonyms
. From the past until now,
vaccination
Use synonyms
 has always been an option to prevent the
spread
Use synonyms
 of
disease
Use synonyms
, and
this
Linking Words
 has proven to be effective in reducing the rate of
spread
Use synonyms
 and the number of patients suffering from the
disease
Use synonyms
. Recently, Covid-19
vaccination
Use synonyms
 was campaigned for and made mandatory for all citizens in many
countries
Use synonyms
, because the virus has caused a very high
death
Use synonyms
 rate. and when
this
Linking Words
vaccination
Use synonyms
 was realized and made mandatory for all citizens in many
countries
Use synonyms
, it was quite effective in overcoming the
spread
Use synonyms
 and number of patients suffering from
this
Linking Words
disease
Use synonyms
. In fact,
this
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 reduces the
death
Use synonyms
 rate which was previously high. As time progresses, I am sure there will be more and more new types of viruses and diseases that will infect the human body, even causing
death
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, mandatory
vaccination
Use synonyms
 is very important to prevent the
spread
Use synonyms
 of
disease
Use synonyms
 and high
death
Use synonyms
 rates. Even though I know that every vaccine drug has certain side effects, I think the benefits are more than the side effects. In conclusion, I agree with the existence of mandatory
vaccination
Use synonyms
 in many
countries
Use synonyms
, because
this
Linking Words
 is very effective in reducing
disease
Use synonyms
 prevention and the risk of
death
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
To improve the essay's coherence, ensure that ideas are organized logically with clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Establish a stronger connection between sentences and paragraphs by using a variety of cohesive devices.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity. Aim to provide a more explicit thesis statement in your introduction and a summary that encapsulates all your points in the conclusion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more specific examples and explanations to demonstrate understanding and provide a more persuasive argument.
Task Achievement
Address the task more completely by discussing both sides of the argument and showing clear personal response. It's important to demonstrate a full and rounded understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively. Expand on the reasons why mandatory vaccination could be considered a positive or negative development. Use more detailed reasoning to enhance clarity and insight.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples that are directly linked to your argument about why mandatory vaccinations are a positive development. Your essay lacks specific evidence that could strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • herd immunity
  • contagious diseases
  • public health safety
  • individual rights
  • preventable diseases
  • healthcare systems
  • ethical implications
  • bodily autonomy
  • inequitable access
  • cultural factors
  • economic factors
  • political factors
  • mandatory vaccinations
  • vaccination rates
  • outbreaks
  • hospitalizations
  • consent
What to do next:
Look at other essays: