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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but others think having a range of subjects is better for a children’s future.Discuss both sides and give your opinion

#parents #opportunities #children #people #schools #skills #range #subjects #children’s #future
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These days, people are divided into two groups. The first group thinks that schools should teach children
skills
 and another group thinks would be better to have a range of subjects for children’s future. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both sides and my opinion which I will support with examples.
Firstly
, many people think that education in
school
 is the process of learning subjects
such
 as History, Biology, Geometry and so on.
For example
, many parents ask their children to study well as
these knowledges
Fix the agreement mistake
this knowledge
show examples
 will give them opportunities to get a better job.
This
 is not bad to think like that but I will give you reasons why I completely disagree with
this
 statement a little bit later.
Secondly
, others think that schools should teach children
skills
. Let’s move on to communication
skills
. What I mean by
this
 is that as a child you need to be able to make new friends, sometimes it could be
skills
such
 as how to speak with people who are older than you.
For instance
, when I was in
school
 I could get higher grades just only because I had good relationships with teachers. From my point of view, as I said previously I absolutely disagree with the statement about subjects.
Furthermore
, you won’t use any knowledge from
school
 in your real work tasks. Let’s look at the case from real life when the person who studied well at
school
 works for a person who did not do that well.
Moreover
,
while
 you are trying to cheat in your exams or
school
 tests you are developing creativity.
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets the stage for the essay well by introducing both viewpoints. However, you could further elaborate on what you will be discussing, including the structure of the essay, which would give a clearer roadmap to the reader.
task achievement
While you've addressed both sides of the argument, a balanced discussion requires delving deeper into the reasoning behind each viewpoint. Consider adding more specific examples and explanations to make your points more convincing.
task achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated, but it would benefit from more robust support and rationale. A well-supported opinion typically includes a clear explanation of why one side outweighs the other, bolstered by concrete evidence or examples.
coherence cohesion
Linking words and phrases (such as 'in addition', 'however', 'on the other hand') can help improve the flow of your essay, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument. Try to ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt and discusses both viewpoints clearly. This fulfills a key requirement of task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Your use of personal examples, such as the anecdote about your school experience, adds a relatable touch to your argument and helps in illustrating your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Practical skills
  • Financial literacy
  • Cognitive development
  • Critical thinking
  • Well-rounded education
  • Independence
  • Real-life situations
  • Cognitive development
  • Broader understanding
  • Ideal education system
What to do next:
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