In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
While
currently in some parts of the world, there are more senior people
than ever, some people
think that it brings several drawbacks
to the government
. On the other hand
, some also
believe that it will bring more positive impacts to the public. This
essay will discuss the impacts of having a larger number of elderly people
, in which the drawbacks
will take precedence over the benefits as firstly
, it will increase the fund allocation of the country to social services, but still, it will also
contribute to giving wisdom to the society.
The government
is required to channel its investment to seniors, such
as by providing nursing homes. When there is a higher number of seniors, it means the government
needs more money to spend on
because they will need to hire professionals to take care of the elderly which Change preposition
apply
are
more likely to be expensive. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
For example
, in Indonesia, the salary for caregivers in nursing homes is high due to
its availability.
However
, the elderly people
also
bring advantages to their small circle, one of them is by bringing wisdom to their grandchildren. A grandson could have a better point of view and an advice
from his grandparents because the grandparents have lived longer compared to the grandson’s parents. Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
For instance
, grandparents will tell their grandson that manners are important, especially when talking to someone older.
To conclude
, a huge number of seniors in a country can bring both benefits and drawbacks
, although
the drawbacks
may outweigh the benefits because the government
needs to allocate more money to build nursing homes rather than the positive impacts by giving the
young Correct article usage
apply
people
wisdom.Submitted by nadillamntr on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure throughout the essay by using cohesive devices effectively and creating well-organized paragraphs that flow from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should clearly state your position on the topic and summarize your main points. The conclusion could be strengthened by echoing the introduction and offering a more definitive stance.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed explanations and relevant examples. Each main point should be developed fully to demonstrate depth of understanding and relevance to the question.
task achievement
Address the task fully by ensuring that all parts of the prompt are discussed with a balanced approach. A complete response includes examining both sides of an argument and giving your own opinion clearly.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas using complex sentences and precise vocabulary. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and explain it thoroughly, avoiding repetition or vagueness.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Draw on a range of ideas and evidence to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic and to add weight to your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?