IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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While
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 currently in some parts of the world, there are more senior
people
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 than ever, some
people
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 think that it brings several
drawbacks
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 to the
government
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.
On the other hand
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, some
also
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 believe that it will bring more positive impacts to the public.
This
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 essay will discuss the impacts of having a larger number of elderly
people
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, in which the
drawbacks
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 will take precedence over the benefits as
firstly
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, it will increase the fund allocation of the country to social services, but still, it will
also
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 contribute to giving wisdom to the society. The
government
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 is required to channel its investment to seniors,
such
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 as by providing nursing homes. When there is a higher number of seniors, it means the
government
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 needs more money to spend
on
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apply
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because they will need to hire professionals to take care of the elderly which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 more likely to be expensive.
For example
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, in Indonesia, the salary for caregivers in nursing homes is high
due to
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 its availability.
However
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, the elderly
people
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also
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 bring advantages to their small circle, one of them is by bringing wisdom to their grandchildren. A grandson could have a better point of view and
an advice
Remove the article
advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
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 from his grandparents because the grandparents have lived longer compared to the grandson’s parents.
For instance
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, grandparents will tell their grandson that manners are important, especially when talking to someone older.
To conclude
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, a huge number of seniors in a country can bring both benefits and
drawbacks
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,
although
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 the
drawbacks
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 may outweigh the benefits because the
government
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 needs to allocate more money to build nursing homes rather than the positive impacts by giving
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
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 wisdom.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure throughout the essay by using cohesive devices effectively and creating well-organized paragraphs that flow from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should clearly state your position on the topic and summarize your main points. The conclusion could be strengthened by echoing the introduction and offering a more definitive stance.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed explanations and relevant examples. Each main point should be developed fully to demonstrate depth of understanding and relevance to the question.
task achievement
Address the task fully by ensuring that all parts of the prompt are discussed with a balanced approach. A complete response includes examining both sides of an argument and giving your own opinion clearly.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas using complex sentences and precise vocabulary. Each paragraph should contain one main idea and explain it thoroughly, avoiding repetition or vagueness.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to substantiate your arguments. Draw on a range of ideas and evidence to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic and to add weight to your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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