IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#media #e #g #facebook #twitter #contact #people #life #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contemporary technology, social
media
such
 as Facebook and Twitter
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a crucial part
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our daily lives.
However
, some argue these online
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 applications influence the way how humans do social
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
. In the following paragraphs, the content will outline the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 ongoing development.
Firstly
, social
media
 is not a suitable place to make friends.
People
 enjoy communicating applications because of their convenience and numerous
contactors
Correct your spelling
contractors
show examples
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they can talk to.
Nevertheless
,
people
 could hide their information on the Internet,
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a result, it would be difficult to find a friend online, sometimes, they might even encounter online
frauds
Fix the agreement mistake
fraud
show examples
.
In contrast
,
people
 who lived in the past used to communicate in person,
as a result
, the connection between each other
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 strong and unbreakable, they will have more emotional interaction and will have closer relationships.
People
 needed plenty of time to receive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
foreign messages,
therefore
,
people
 lost connection when they went abroad in the past.
However
,
communicating
Replace the word
communication
show examples
 technology offers a fast and cheap solution for
this
 situation.
For instance
, as
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 international
students
Fix the agreement mistake
student
show examples
, I can make phone calls and send messages to my family
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
,
in addition
, my family members can find my daily experience on my Facebook and Instagram pages.
This
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
show examples
 my
homesick
Replace the word
homesickness
show examples
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
anxiety
from
Change preposition
about
show examples
 my parents. In conclusion, social
media
 has some insecure issues when
people
 hide their information on the Internet,
however
, there is no doubt that social
media
 provides us
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
better experience of communication.
Submitted by chaoweikevin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea with relevant supporting sentences. Avoid deviations from the topic and use a range of cohesive devices appropriately within and across sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
It is crucial to fully address all parts of the task. Develop clear positions throughout the response and support those positions with suitable examples from your knowledge or experience, ensuring they are relevant to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communication
  • convenience
  • accessibility
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • information
  • perspectives
  • maintain
  • genuine
  • miscommunication
  • misunderstandings
  • mental health
  • well-being
  • addiction
  • excessive screen time
  • privacy concerns
  • online security risks
What to do next:
Look at other essays: