IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

It has become very common for people to borrow money. Maby people have credit card, a mortgage and often they buy a car on credit card as well. Is this a good idea or this is too risky? Discuss both views abd give your own opinion.

#people #money #maby #credit #card #mortgage #car #idea #abd
It is quite common nowadays that the majority of the population is taking loans . Some argue that it is dangerous because of getting into more debt
whereas
 others argue that , if properly managed it is beneficial . In my opinion, it should be managed
according to
 one’s source of
income
 .
This
 essay is expected to discuss both views .
Firstly
 , as the critics argue taking huge amounts of loans can lead anyone to more trouble. if
someone
 without a proper and regular
income
 takes a vehicle on instalments , hoping for the improvement of the
business
 they had started . And if the
business
 is not doing good to earn proper returns the problem starts .
As a result
, the repayments will get delayed or stopped adding to the consequences . To illustrate , one of my friends had bought a luxury car on
loan
 on the assumption of improving his
business
 , but he ended up losing his establishment . Because he could not repay his car
loan
due to
 a decline in his
business
 .
On the other hand
 , if
someone
 with a reliable and regular
income
 ,
instead
 of paying the full amount and buying a vehicle , they can utilise that amount for other productive purposes .
For example
,
someone
 earning around five thousand dollars per month wants to buy a car worth 50000 $ .
Instead
 of paying the full amount they can pay 500- or 600-dollars EMI . Meanwhile utilising the money in other productive ways In my opinion, taking a
loan
 is practical if
someone
 has sources to repay it without a break . so that there is no burden of spending huge sums of money at once
To conclude
 , as some people argue taking a
loan
 is a dangerous deal ,
as well as
 a good idea depending on one’s
income
 status and ability to repay . in my opinion, it should be attempted judiciously
Submitted by drcamt on

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task achievement
While the essay introduces the topic and discusses both views, ensure you elaborate more on the benefits and risks associated with borrowing money to provide a more balanced argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs by using more linking words and connectors to create a seamless reading experience.
task achievement
Proofread for minor grammatical and spelling errors to enhance readability, such as 'maby' to 'maybe', and replace words like 'utilise' with 'utilize' for consistency in spelling.
task achievement
Support the main points with stronger examples and evidence to make the arguments more convincing and relatable.
coherence cohesion
The essay thoroughly discusses both viewpoints on borrowing money and provides a well-structured introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Your personal example about your friend adds a personal touch to the essay, making it more engaging for readers.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is clear, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economy
  • Invest
  • Future planning
  • Financial flexibility
  • Immediate access
  • Unmanageable debt
  • Financial literacy
  • Interest rates
  • Long-term impact
  • Good debt
  • Bad debt
  • Depreciative value
  • Consumer goods
  • Budgeting
  • Repayment plan
  • Emergency fund
  • Credit rating
  • Obtaining credit
  • Normalize
  • Advertising
  • Regulation
  • Responsible lending
  • Transparency
  • Financial agreements
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