IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweight the disadvantage?

#rise #media #relationships #society #communication #outweight
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Generally, personal relationships and social communications have been swayed by the development of social
media
.
This
 author believes that the benefits of ranged connection and associated stability outweigh the drawbacks of lacking physical experiences. The most advantageous factor of social platforms is they provide unlimited linking
people
 together regardless of distance and numbers.
Therefore
, it consistently gathers
people
 in an online space making
people
 feel less lonely. From prior knowledge, everyone can log onto social
media
 sites and follow a well-known person that they like which will improve their mood.
Thus
, using social
media
 can help
people
 feel better because of its wide-ranging connection. Another vital benefit that can be gained is the high frequency of contact which helps
people
 maintain their relationships. It should be acknowledged that social
media
 applications
such
 as Messenger or Zalo are an all-day service which means users can always keep in touch with others,
hence
, bonds between them are hardly broken.
For instance
, a group of friends can have a video call together and share their experiences whenever they want. Ultimately, the simple communication method strengthens the links between
people
.
However
, some
people
 contend that
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 absence of face-to-face interactions, social platforms can make users feel separated rather than connected.
This
 is a credible point but sounds and motions which can be attached to a file will create an active environment for
people
 to join together. In conclusion,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sharing videos and vocals can tackle the
scarity
Correct your spelling
scarcity
security
 of contact. Taking all points into account, the shortage in eye-to-eye connection is outweighed by the merits of
further
 relationships accessible and prolonging the association. That means, social
media
 has a positive effect on communication.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the response. While you made an attempt to provide an opinion, more precision and expansion on your main argument is needed to fully satisfy the task requirements. Furthermore, do not introduce new ideas in the conclusion; ensure that it is a summary of the points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good organization and you make effective use of cohesive devices. However, some paragraphs are underdeveloped, and ideas could be more fully expanded. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences neatly tie back to this central point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • online communities
  • facilitated
  • sense of belonging
  • entrepreneurs
  • decreased face-to-face interactions
  • misinformation
  • echo chambers
  • excessive use
  • mental health issues
  • impermanence
  • rapid pace
What to do next:
Look at other essays: