IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweight the disadvantages?

#people #admission #museums #outweight
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Museum
Fix the agreement mistake
Museums
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 have always been historically and culturally rich places where
people
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 can learn a great deal about the past form. They need to have a source of revenue in order to pay their, sometimes exorbitant, operating and curation costs.
While
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 some
museums
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 rely heavily on other sources of income
such
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 as grants or donations, I believe charging entry fees is a generally positive practice to cover their expenses. Charging for
admission
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 can have many advantages for
museums
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 and
visitor
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visitors
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 alike.They can use the money they earn to improve the
overall
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 quality of
museum
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 visits by adding more exhibits and more sections to the
museum
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.
This
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 way, the
museum
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 becomes an intersection of different cultures and different times in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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history.
In addition
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,
museums
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 can use
this
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 money to improve their security cameras, more motion detectors, better protective glasses for old artefacts and more guards that can actively observe the
people
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 inside.
Moreover
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, new cutting-edge technologies like hologram technology,
VR
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and VR
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 and AR headsets can be employed in order to make
museums
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 specifically appealing to younger visitors.
Thus
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, charging
admission
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 fees would result in an enhanced
museum
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 experience for the visitors, something which is not always possible if they were free. Despite the obvious benefits entrance fees sometimes make
museums
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 exclusive places to the
people
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 who have the money to pay for them. Students,
for instance
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, might be affected by admissions charges. They usually have part-time jobs and lower incomes and
thus
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 cannot afford the cost of a visit to a
museum
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. So, if the payment rule was the same for everyone visiting
museums
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, certain
people
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 would not have the chance to visit them. In conclusion, I believe that
admission
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 charges are necessary for the survival of
museums
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. At the same time, it would
also
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 be
great
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a great
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 idea for them to have discounts for students and academia in general. For other citizens and tourists, I think
admission
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 charges are needed because only when
people
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 pay for a service, will they appreciate its true value.
Submitted by samtridortua on

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task achievement
A comprehensive understanding of the task is shown with both sides of the argument being considered. However, the position could be made clearer throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion, to fully address all parts of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is adequate, with a clear progression of ideas. Nevertheless, using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing strategies could enhance the clarity and flow of the essay.
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