in some cultures, childeren are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. what are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
In some societies, offsprings are told that if they tried as
more
as it is possible, they would Rephrase
much
acieve
whatever they want. In Correct your spelling
achieve
receive
this
case, there are a huge number of advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed below.
To begin
with, youngesters
are Correct your spelling
youngsters
encorage
to be hard-working which can lead them Correct your spelling
encouraged
encourage
learning
many skills or Change the verb form
to learn
reading
lots of Wrong verb form
read
book
. Change to a plural noun
books
in other words
, this
belief persuade
them to Change the verb form
persuades
acieve
their goals and teach them never Correct your spelling
achieve
give
up. Fix the infinitive
to give
In addition
, this
belief can boost kids' self-confidence and also
self-esteam
. Correct your spelling
self-esteem
As a result
, they do not compare themselves with their peer in any case and will never be asamed
of introducing their ideas at school and Correct your spelling
ashamed
amoung
their friend group. Correct your spelling
among
childeren
can Correct your spelling
Children
also
participate in different activities even they
find themselves Correct word choice
if they
lack of
skills.
Wrong verb form
lacking
However
, this
trend make
Change the verb form
makes
childrens
the people who are Correct your spelling
children
perfectionist
who are not realistic and can not deal with problems and failours. For the rest of Fix the agreement mistake
perfectionists
life
, they will tell themselves that they are not as skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
brave
as enough Correct word choice
and brave
although
these things are just parts of life
which are unavoidable. people have no control on
lots of problems. Change preposition
over
Thus
, they should accept which
is the necessity of success. It is a necessity of Correct pronoun usage
what
life
.
in conclusion, this
belief that offsprings
can achieve whatever they want depending on how much Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
is
their effortsUnnecessary verb
apply
,
can make them not only hard-working but Remove the comma
apply
also
self-confident. On the other hand
, it leads them to being
Change the verb form
be
perfectionist
and too optimistic about Add an article
a perfectionist
life
.Submitted by Raeisinarges1995 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow your argument. Aim to use clear paragraphing, with each paragraph focusing on a single main idea. Use transition words to connect sentences and paragraphs, and make sure your ideas flow logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
While you have provided an introduction and a conclusion, they are not fully developed. Your introduction would benefit from a clearer thesis statement, and your conclusion should effectively summarize your argument. In future essays, make sure to restate your main points and reiterate your overall stance in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Although you have made attempts to support your main points, your arguments lack depth and specific examples. To strengthen your essay, provide concrete examples and more detailed explanations of how the advantages and disadvantages affect children. This will help support your points more convincingly.
task achievement
You have addressed the task to an extent, but your response is incomplete and not fully developed. Make sure to fully address both parts of the prompt - the advantages and disadvantages - in a balanced way. Use specific examples to illustrate your points and ensure that your ideas are both clear and comprehensive.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear, but they lack comprehensiveness. To improve, ensure that each main point is fully explained and directly addresses the question. Avoid general statements and strive to relate each point back to the prompt clearly, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.
task achievement
There is a lack of relevant and specific examples in your essay, which weakens your argument. To uplift your essay, incorporate examples and anecdotal evidence that directly relate to the points you are discussing, thus making your argument more persuasive and grounded in reality.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example