In the last 20years, there has been significant development in the field of information technology (IT), for example in World wide web and communication by email. However these development in IT are likely to have more negative effects than positive in the future. To wat extent do you agree with this view Give reasons for your answer and give any example from your own experience or knowledge

#*in #years #development #field #information #technology #world #web #communication #email #effects #future #*to #wat #view* #*give #knowledge*

Information Technology is widely used in various fields, whether its

STEM based

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STEM-based

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or a business.

This

due to

the extreme convenience of IT to

human

Correct article usage

the human

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race. So, even interactions that would make more sense to be held face to face

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

then

performed online. I truly believe

this

has its own advantages and disadvantages ,

however

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show examples

do lean more towards the negative impact of IT in the near future. In the following paragraph, I will be introducing my personal experience and opinions towards my view.

Firstly

, the growth of IT is increasing at a rate

thats

Correct your spelling

that's

that

absolutely immeasurable, many users from ages 9 to 75 now know how to use emails and the web to communicate or perform tasks. Unfortunately,

due to

this

theres

Correct your spelling

there's

there

a high risk of individuals coming across hackers, or spam emails that ask for personal details. Personally, a

fews

Correct your spelling

few

days ago, I

recieved

Correct your spelling

received

an email asking me to put down my credit card details to sign up for an online course,

however

this

email wasn't sent to me by the one I registered on the website.

Moreover

, the username and email seemed

bizzare

Correct your spelling

bizarre

Therefore

, I decided to contact the owner of the website and report the issue.

Furthermore

although

the comfort of talking from your own space at home,

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apply

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comes with more risks. People will prefer staying in their beds rather than speaking with a person in an office space.

This

could cause an increase in obesity

amongst

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among

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humans. Increased obesity could lead to larger health problems which

effect

Correct your spelling

affect

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the

Correct article usage

apply

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mental health indirectly in a negative way. In practice, during the pandemic Covid-19, there was a rise in patients in hospitals

due to

depression induced by residing in their rooms 24/7. In the long run,

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show examples

homosapiens

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homo-sapiens

will

loose

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lose

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proffesionality

Correct your spelling

professionality

and connectivity towards others of our own kind

due to

IT. In conclusion, I strongly agree that after a long time, the negative impacts of fast-developing IT programs will only grow more in number.

This

will be mainly because

higher

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a higher

the higher

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concentration of countries are more keen to make online resources their standardised source of

interacting

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interaction

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Positivity

Correct article usage

The positivity

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of IT can only be preserved by

the

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apply

show examples

moderate use

Change preposition

apply

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

Submitted by routmanmayee on Mon Jan 15 2024

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coherence cohesion

For coherence and cohesion, while the essay maintains a basic logical structure, the transitions between ideas could be smoother. Usage of cohesive devices is noticed but could be enhanced for a more seamless reading experience. Ensure introduction and conclusion not only exist but are sufficiently developed to frame the essay's main points effectively.

task achievement

In terms of task achievement, the response addresses the requirements of the task, but it is essential to ensure that examples are fully developed and directly linked to the argument. The position is somewhat clear throughout the essay, but there could be a more thorough exploration and balance of both positive and negative aspects as per the essay question. Additionally, staying on topic without deviating to loosely related subjects, like during the health discussion, would be advisable.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

364 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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