Some people today prefer to get advice online for medical problems and do not want to visit a doctor. Why is this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Due to
cutting-edge technology, now everything is available on the internet. Even learning to earn, the internet is playing an indispensable role. So, it is argued that people
tend to ask about their medical problems like diabetes, hypertension
; but, they are reluctant to visit Correct word choice
and hypertension
doctors
. I think it is a negative development for their physical and mental growth.
At the outset, people
prefer to take advice on medical ailments instead
of visiting doctors
due to
technology
expansion. They search on the internet about the causes and treatment of the ailment and cure their illness. Replace the word
technological
Besides
, they get afraid to give the
hefty Correct article usage
apply
amount
to Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
doctors
that the practitioners take from the patients, and it is a herculean task for the people
to pay heavily. So they think to treat
any disease at home. Change preposition
about treating
For instance
, due to
COVID-19, many masses think to treat themselves at home by following some YouTube channels as well as
asking queries about their ailments, and they find a viable solution. Otherwise
, getting themselves treated in a hospital is beyond their pocket.
To my mind, it is a negative development as people
visit doctors
when they are on their last
legs, and it becomes a difficult task for physicians to save the life of a patient who is on his last
bed. So people
put their lives in danger by not visiting doctors
when they have a real need.
Apart from it
, the fear of being robbed by the Correct pronoun usage
this
doctors
makes them mentally and physically unfit, and they put off their meeting with doctors
and
Correct word choice
apply
make
their situation worse. Wrong verb form
making
Thus
unfounded belief is a great hindrance in reaching hospitals at the right time.
In conclusion, Thus
technology, as well as
people
’s attitude
towards hospitals and practitioners, make them Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
taking
advice and Wrong verb form
take
avoiding to visit
Wrong verb form
avoid visiting
doctors
. This
attitude is unhealthy for them as they put themselves in peril and pay an enormous amount to get treated well in a hospital in the end.Submitted by shevonsavidhu14 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear, logical progression of ideas. It's important to organize your paragraphs, ensuring each one contains a single main idea, and that all paragraphs logically follow each other.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but could be improved. Both should clearly outline the main argument and summarise the points made within the body of the essay, respectively. It is crucial to state your opinion clearly in the introduction when asked and restate this concisely in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
While you made an effort to support your points, the development of these points was somewhat superficial. To enhance your essay, each point should be explained more fully and supported by specific, detailed examples.
task achievement
Your response to the task is generally complete, but the reasoning behind why people prefer online advice and whether or not this is a positive or negative development could be more fully explored.
task achievement
The clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas need improvement. Be precise in your arguments, ensure that your supporting statements are robust, and that all aspects of the question are addressed thoroughly.
task achievement
Your use of examples is relevant, but they should be specific and real-world oriented to effectively support your position. Avoid generic examples, and instead, provide concrete evidence or scenarios that clearly illustrate your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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