Some people say that the use of mobile phones should not be allowed in public places such as libraries, shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people claim that we must not carry
cell
phones with us to public spaces like shops,libraries and on busses.This
is because phones can distract the user and others.I completely disagree with this
view. This
is because a cell
phone
is one of the essentials in our life.It is the best thing that can be helpful in any situation.You can search for any information
on the Internet or you can use
it for calls in emergency
situations.
To begin
with,with the help of telephones, it can be easy to discover any information
.If you need to collect more materials about something,you can easily find it on the Internet.In public places where you need to find out something quickly, a smartphone is the best option to use
.Imagine that you are in another city.And you need to get to the nearest grocery, but you do not know how.In this
case,you take your phone
and use
an online map to find out information
about the nearest shop. You are able to use
a navigator,which will show you the navigation from your location to the shop.Or let's imagine that you are studying in the library and you have noticed an unfamiliar word,to know more about the terminal you can type it on the web and it will show you a full explanation of the word.Finally
, smartphones can be used quickly,to give you anything you want in a short time.
Secondly
,the cell
telephone is a good assistant in emergency
situations.We often notice that in public places there are plenty of accidentsIn this
situation,the calling of emergency
service is optimal.So,to call them you need to take your smartphone and phone
them and tell them the situation.If we ban the usage of phones,there would be a bunch of accidents.For instance
,without a phone
, we can not call the medic for a person who needs medical treatment.If medics do not help the person,it can turn into a huge problem.So,banning the cell
phone
in public places is dangerous for humans.
In conclusion,a cell
phone
is the fastest way to obtain information
or to call in emergency
cases.And outlawing telephones in public environments is pointless and can cause bad consequences.Submitted by medet.khan774 on
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introduction conclusion present
Your essay begins with an introduction that addresses the question, but it could be improved by presenting the argument in a clearer manner with a more sophisticated thesis statement that outlines the structure of the essay. The conclusion does restate your standpoint, but aim to reinforce your argument by summarizing the points discussed without introducing new information.
logical structure
While your essay does demonstrate logical progression with clear main points, there could be better cohesion between them. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices such as 'Furthermore', 'Moreover', 'However', and 'On the other hand' to ensure smoother transitions between ideas. Also work on organizing your paragraphs with clear topic sentences followed by elaboration and example for a more structured argument.
supported main points
The main points you've brought up are pertinent to the topic. However, they need more detailed development and the examples could be more varied and specific. When you provide an example, try to present real-life scenarios or statistics that unequivocally back up your argument instead of hypothetical ones. Always remember that the strength of your example lies in its details and relevance to the topic.
complete response
You have addressed the task mainly, however, the strength of your response could be improved by fully exploring all parts of the prompt. Be sure to cover the reasons why some people might not want the mobile phones in public places to provide a balanced argument, even if you disagree. This will show your ability to consider multiple viewpoints, a key aspect in the task achievement criterion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are generally clear and comprehensible, but strive for more depth and complexity in your arguments. You should not only present a point but also explore its implications thoroughly. Use examples that clearly link to the point you're making and work on making your ideas comprehensive by explaining them fully.
relevant specific examples
Though you provide examples, they are not always specific and lack the detail required to make a strong impact. Ensure that each example is directly related to the point you're making and provides clear evidence or illustration of that point. You may also want to include real-world examples or refer to studies, surveys or reports to strengthen your argument further.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite