IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

the bar chart bellow show information about expenditure.

the bar chart bellow show information about expenditure.
#bar #bellow #show #information #expenditure
The table below
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 4
category
Change to a plural noun
categories
show examples
 (
age
 under 18, aged over 60, average
income
 per
person
 and population below
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
 line) in the USA.
Overall
, a glance at the bar chart reveals that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the lowest percentage
belong
Correct subject-verb agreement
belongs
show examples
 to Utal
exept
Correct your spelling
except
 aged under 18.
while
 the highest figure can be seen in California,
especiallly
Correct your spelling
especially
 in
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
income
 per
person
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
far higher than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 countries. In terms of Utal, it comprised 28%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
age
 under 18, making it higher than
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 below
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line which made up 9%, followed by
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
income
 per
person
 and
averege
Correct your spelling
average
 over 60
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were 17,000 $ and 8% respectively. With regard to
california
Change the capitalization
California
show examples
,
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
income
 per
person
 was the highest figure
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with
Utal
Correct your spelling
Utah
 and Florida. About population below
poverty
Correct article usage
the poverty
show examples
Correct your spelling
line
show examples
lin
Correct your spelling
line
show examples
, California is around double higher than Utal (16%) Considering
Floida
Correct your spelling
Florida
,
age
 over 60 accounted for 23% which was ahead of
Age
 under 18
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was
Correct your spelling
small
Correct article usage
a smal
show examples
smal
Correct your spelling
small
propportion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of that,
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with other countries (16%)
Submitted by hastytajassosy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, income, person with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: