IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people belive that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #belive #situation #job #shortage #money
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Some individuals think that accepting a
job
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 with an unsuitable
situation
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such
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 as a low salary and unsatisfying features is much better than trying to improve the
position
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 of a
job
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.
To begin
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 with, accepting the present
job
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position
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 makes
people
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 lazy because they do not want to make an effort in their lives.
In addition
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, they always want to stay in their comfort zone.
People
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 think that if they want to change the
situation
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 they may miss some benefits of the
work
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.
This
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 idea may be correct at the first level unless someone wants to get a low salary to deal with some minor problems but if
this
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 trend lasts longer,
this
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 person misses many opportunities during the period of his
work
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. So, generally, it is better to explore themselves find the
situation
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 and build their skills step by step.
This
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 can be reachable just by making progress in their goals. On the flip side, some
people
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 claim that by improving the
situation
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, they can get their favourite
job
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. In my point of view,
this
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 statement is logical in most cases. Because these
people
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 have the passion and ambition to develop themselves in different aspects.
For instance
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, they can make suggestions to their supervisors or managers to give them a chance to build up their career path. Changing the
job
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position
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 is another way to improve the
job
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position
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. It is really important for
people
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 to be satisfied with their
job
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 because they must pass the routine days and the workplace and features should be noticeable.
To sum up
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, a group of
people
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 has an idea to confirm the bad
situation
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 of
work
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 and continue
this
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 trend,
while
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 another group of individuals thinks that it is better to make an attempt to develop their career path. Both of them are separately different and depend on
people
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 but actually, the best strategy is keeping their satisfaction in
work
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.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

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coherence cohesion
To further enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to clearly connect ideas and paragraphs. For example, phrases like 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' 'Moreover,' and 'However,' can guide the reader through your argument more fluidly.
task achievement
In terms of task response, the essay would benefit from more specific examples to support the arguments made. Instead of just generally talking about job satisfaction, provide concrete, real-world examples to illustrate your points more vividly.
task achievement
For a clearer and more comprehensive idea presentation, focus on detailing both sides of the argument equally. Sometimes, one side feels more thoroughly discussed, which can make the essay seem unbalanced.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes both viewpoints, making it clear that personal satisfaction and continual self-improvement are key.
task achievement
The essay comprehensively addresses both sides of the issue, showcasing an understanding of the complexity of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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