IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some argue that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is necessary for individuals to take
risks
Use synonyms
 in their working and personal lives.
Although
Linking Words
 taking
risks
Use synonyms
 might not be a good choice to take, I believe that it helps
people
Use synonyms
 to learn from their mistakes and to be successful. Taking
risks
Use synonyms
 may cause
people
Use synonyms
 to sacrifice something they value.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 tend to spend most of their lives in a toxic relationship or working in a job they do not feel comfortable in, because they are afraid that, they might fail to find better opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 in the USA work in jobs they do not like because they think if they quit their jobs, they will not be able to find another one.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 decision makes
people
Use synonyms
 feel scared, I believe that it is stopping
people
Use synonyms
 from being successful. Deciding to experience the unknown helps
people
Use synonyms
 to get out of their comfort zone and become successful. When
people
Use synonyms
 try new occupations or enter new relationships, they may succeed in finding the job they dream about or meeting the person whom they feel happy with.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important for
people
Use synonyms
 to change their decisions sometimes, or they will end up failing in certain aspects of their lives, because of their lack of experience.
For instance
Linking Words
, the majority of businessmen in China were working with low salaries, but their decision to change helped them build their own businesses In conclusion, despite the feeling of safety that
people
Use synonyms
 feel when they are in their comfort zones, taking
risks
Use synonyms
 helps them to find their way to fulfilment.
Submitted by sam  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Consider providing smoother transitions between paragraphs for a more seamless flow of ideas.
task achievement
Try to elaborate a bit more on the points raised in your supporting paragraphs for a more comprehensive discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay possesses a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for the discussion.
task achievement
The topic is addressed comprehensively, and the primary arguments are well-supported with relevant examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: