Some people think that spending a lot on holding weddings, birthday parties and other celebrations is just a waste of money. Others, however think that these are necessary for individuals and the society. Discuss both views.

#people #weddings #birthday #parties #celebrations #waste #money #individuals #society

Some are of the opinion that parties like weddings, birthdays and other sort of celebrations are important for the person and society.

However

, there are other kinds of individuals with the opinion that throwing

this

celebration is a waste of

money

This

essay will discuss both views. For those people who enjoy holding their birthdays, weddings or other, it is a self-expression of their happiness and satisfies their need to

it with their friends and relatives, it is something that helps them to create a bond relationship with them. For

this

kind of personality, it is important to create memories that could be recreated anytime in the future through photography, videos and even jokes about the funniest things that happened. A good example that helps to recreate

this

essay is the difference in personalities between my brother and myself, my brother loves to create moments in his

life

to build up his memories, like his wedding, important dates on his offspring's births, his family birthday parties and

then

in some occasions we spare a family time where together recreate those important moments watching our records and pictures that make us go back in time.

However

, there are other types of personalities that care about their expenses and it does not mean that they do not celebrate their joys, but they do not believe that it is more important to hold a big event at every important moment in their lives will be sustainable for their finances or to showing to anyone else their emotional and important events in

life

Moreover

this

group of people prefer to save their

money

to invest it in other activities or become savings for the future rather than being invested for others to

their joys. Following the same idea of the example above, I am the opposite way in my personality to express my joy, I care a bit more about which things I will spend my

money

on and the important events in

life

that I want to

with others. In conclusion, there is no definition of how individual must express their joy in terms of celebrating important moments in their

life

. It is just a question of perception and choice of how to

their joy with others and how much

money

they want to invest in it.

Submitted by mantonieta.albarracin on Tue Jan 16 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay presents a decent structure; however, you should work on ensuring a clear and logical flow throughout the essay. Using clearer topic sentences and more cohesive devices could strengthen the connections between your ideas.

task achievement

You have addressed the topic and provided both views on the issue, but the response could be more complete with a stronger personal position stated in the conclusion, which should be clearly linked back to the introduction for a more rounded argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

388 words

7.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Financially burdensome
Unnecessary extravagance
Significant life events
Cultural traditions
Strengthen relationships
Community bonds
Memorable experiences
Investment in happiness
Lavish parties
Moderation
Excessive spending
Long-term investment
Honoring milestones

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