It is commonly believed that nowadays main factors that affect a child's development are media, pop culture and friends. A different point of view is that family plays the most significant role. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

These days, in certain
people
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people's
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opinion
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opinions
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,
media
, pop
culture
, and
friends
are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the main factors that affect a
child’s
development
both
in
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apply
show examples
physical
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physically
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and
mental
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mentally
show examples
. Meanwhile, other people
believed
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believe
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that the main factor
of
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in
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a
child’s
development
is their family
who
Correct pronoun usage
which
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give
Verb problem
plays
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a significant role.
Hence
, in
this
essay, I will discuss
both
views which I will consider now.
Firstly
, a
child’s
development
could be affected by the
media
and pop
culture
they are watching and the
friends
they are playing with.
This
is because those
things
can bring not only valuable lessons but
also
things
that can affect the
child’s
development
,
such
as motoric,
sensoric
Correct your spelling
sensory
, and even mental health
development
to a child.
Consequently
,
children
can get
both
of
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apply
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bad and good sides from the
things
they are watching
of
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apply
show examples
and playing with.
Thus
, some
community
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communities
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think that the
media
, pop
culture
, and
friends
could
give
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apply
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influences
Correct subject-verb agreement
influence
show examples
to
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apply
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children’s
growth
.
On the other hand
,
family
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the family
a family
show examples
role could be the one which plays
important
Add an article
an important
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part
to
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in
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a
children’s
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child’s
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growth
. Certain
individual
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individuals
show examples
think that
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
is the one who
are
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is
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with
children
most of the time so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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children’s
growth
is a part of
family’s
Correct article usage
the family’s
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responsibility.
For instance
,
children
with working
family
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families
show examples
is different in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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both
of
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apply
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physical and mental conditions than
children
who are with their family most of the time in the house.
This
means that family plays important
things
to
Change preposition
in
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their
children’s
growth
. In conclusion, age-linked to child could be affected by two
things
, either it is by external factors,
such
as
media
, other
culture
, and their
friends
or internal factors like their family.
Submitted by amaliasekar30 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure you have a clear introduction that presents the topic and your thesis statement. Your essay lacks clear concluding remarks, which are essential for summarizing your points and clearly stating your opinion.
logical structure
Use a range of cohesive devices to improve the logical flow of your essay. Your paragraphs should smoothly transition from one to the next.
supported main points
Support your main points with detailed examples. Your essay provides general statements without specific evidence to back up your claims.
complete response
To fully address the task, make sure to discuss both views comprehensively and include a clear and well-developed opinion of your own. Your essay touches on both views but does not explore them in depth, and your personal opinion is not explicit.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your essay occasionally lacks clarity and comprehensive ideas due to grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. Strive to express your ideas more clearly and accurately.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to illustrate and strengthen your points. General statements should be supported by concrete details that demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • media
  • pop culture
  • peers
  • family
  • social skills
  • beliefs
  • values
  • emotional support
  • moral guidance
  • aspirations
  • self-image
  • social development
  • value system
  • harmony
  • conflict
  • significant
  • behaviors
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