IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is difficult for many people to create a balance between their professional and their personal life. What are the causes of this? What can be done to solve this problem?

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As you may have noticed,
balance
Add an article
the balance
a balance
show examples
 between a person’s personal life and work has always been a problem for many. We struggle to plan our
time
Use synonyms
 well so we rush and
at the end
Linking Words
 of the
day
Add a comma
day,
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 we don’t have any
time
Use synonyms
 left to watch a movie or read an interesting book. Why is that? What can we do to get rid of
this
Linking Words
 bad habit of not having a stable and enjoyable schedule? First of all, we need to start prioritizing our health.
For example
Linking Words
, how many times have you skipped lunch to finish your assignment? How many times have you pulled an “
all nighter
Add a hyphen
all-nighter
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” just because you wanted to finish everything in one day? These are the questions that you should really think about when you get sick or notice a drastic change in your constant mood. Mental health is really important because it affects not only our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 but
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of people around
you
Correct pronoun usage
us
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 too. Your emotions, results and even physical appearance
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
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 on it so you have to try to keep it stable. The problem of priorities usually occurs because we create it by ourselves so
this
Linking Words
 leads to my second statement that we need to pay attention when planning our
time
Use synonyms
. Humans are quite lazy so we often tend to leave everything for the
last
Linking Words
 minute which causes stress (
then
Linking Words
 we start having problems with sleeping) and stress has a lot of negative outcomes like bad sleep, faster
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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,
and
Correct word choice
apply
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etc. We need to strictly plan
time
Use synonyms
 for working and
time
Use synonyms
 for resting
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
otherwise
Linking Words
 we might become workaholics and it will cause mental breakdowns.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe that balance in life is one of the most important things, but even if sometimes it looks challenging to plan your
time
Use synonyms
 well, everybody can do it, you just have to want to change something.

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a discernible logical structure, but there is room for improvement. Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and each idea clearly follows the last to enhance the logical flow of the essay. Connective words could be used more effectively to guide the reader through the arguments.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present; however, both could be strengthened. The introduction could more explicitly present the topic and how it will be addressed, while the conclusion should succinctly summarize the discussions without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported, but more detailed examples and specific evidence would better elucidate the arguments. Expand on your points with concrete illustrations or data to underpin your claims and make the essay more convincing.
task achievement
A clear response to the task is somewhat lacking. Try to directly address the questions posed, specifically clarifying the causes behind the lack of balance in personal and professional life and offering distinct solutions. Address each part of the task in a structured and detailed manner.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear and comprehensive, strive for deeper development of your arguments. Engage with the topic critically and explore the main ideas thoroughly, providing complexity in your responses wherever possible.
task achievement
The use of examples is limited and non-specific. Enhance your essay by incorporating relevant examples that directly relate to the points being discussed. Specific examples serve to ground your arguments in reality and strengthen your overall position.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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