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Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Children’s upbringing is a crucial mission that should involve all of the facilities in every society. Some individuals believe in parental responsibility for
this
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 purpose,
while
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 others emphasize on educational system more than blood relatives in
this
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 way. As for my part, I agree with the latter argument and
this
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 essay will elaborate on the stance taken to eventually present a conclusion
accordingly
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. In one respect, some people think that
parents
Use synonyms
 should create close-knit families with strong bonds together to nurture their offspring as well.
For instance
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, a recent survey conducted by the health ministry has shown that children in an appropriate family relationship may overcome their problems easily.
Moreover
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, some psychologists assume children follow
Use synonyms
parents’
Correct pronoun usage
their parents’
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 just as a mirror.
Hence
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, they have had more significant responsibilities of upbringing.
On the other hand
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, others presume that
although
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 family ties are unparalleled, almost all
parents
Use synonyms
 are out of the modern world.
Thus
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, schools should handle
this
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 generation gap. To cite an example, most
parents
Use synonyms
 grew up in a traditional society without any digital devices and they have no idea about its pros and cons.
Additionally
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,
due to
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 the inflamed economic situation, most fathers and mothers must work most of the time from morning to evening.
Consequently
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, they do not have enough
fresh
Correct word choice
apply
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time to teach or nurture their children.
To conclude
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, given the view of the foregoing discussions and supportive facts,
this
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 essay believes that
due to
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 the less free time of
parents
Use synonyms
 and low necessary knowledge about new worlds, teaching is an essential duty of schools and teachers as they are more familiar with technologies and offspring’s attitudes.
Submitted by erfanamouie on

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task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both views before stating your opinion, integrating it seamlessly within the body or clearly in the conclusion.
coherence & cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to enhance the connectivity of ideas and paragraphs for better flow.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to bolster arguments, ensuring they are directly relevant to the point being made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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