Some people say government should give health care the first priorities, some others believe education is more important priorities to spend the taxpayers' money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Tax allocation is the most crucial thing in most of the country. Some
people
believe that the government should spend the taxpayer's money to
Change preposition
on
health
care as a top priority, while
others believe that education is
must be Unnecessary verb
apply
in
number one. In Change preposition
apply
this
essay
I will discuss why taxpayer's money can save Add a comma
essay,
people
from the
death and add many educated Correct article usage
apply
people
, and in the last
, I will give my opinion.
being healthy is a must, and to support it, the government should allocate the national income which is gotten from the tax. by giving health
facilities such
as hospitals, clinics, and ambulances, for
those who are getting sick will Change preposition
so
cure
as soon as possible, and allowing Wrong verb form
be cured
people
to get fast response for their health
problem. Good health
care which facility is easy to reach will reduce the number of death
as well. Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
for example
, if there is someone who is getting a heart attack, he or she will treat
in a short time. clearly, Wrong verb form
be treated
health
facilities are important for everyone.
on the other hand
, education is the key to increasing good human resources. for countries whose their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
people
are educated, will allow it to become a
great Correct article usage
apply
nation
. Fix the agreement mistake
nations
for example
, the United Nations where most of the people
have university degrees can develop new technology to build the country. As a result
, they can grow the gross domestic bruto, which leads to an increase people's
income.
in conclusion, despite spending taxpayer's money on education will be good for human resources, Change preposition
in people's
but
in my opinion, I believe that Correct word choice
apply
health
is must on
the top priority, because it can improve community welfareChange preposition
apply
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coherence cohesion
You have addressed parts of the task, indicating an understanding of the material, but your essay lacks full development in supporting your points. Your introduction and conclusion are present, but their connection to the body could be more cohesive. Try to use a wider range of structures and link ideas more effectively. Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
task achievement
You have provided a roughly equal discussion for both views, which is good for the balance of the essay. However, your response doesn't fully answer the essay question because it lacks a detailed explanation and specific examples. The examples provided are generic and do not demonstrate the ability to use these examples effectively to support your argument. Make sure you give clear reasons for your arguments and support them with precise examples.
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