IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say government should give health care the first priorities, some others believe education is more important priorities to spend the taxpayers' money. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Tax allocation is the most crucial thing in most of the country. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the government should spend the taxpayer's money
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 care as a top priority,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that education
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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must be
in
Change preposition
apply
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number one. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss why taxpayer's money can save
people
Use synonyms
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
death and add many educated
people
Use synonyms
, and in the
last
Linking Words
, I will give my opinion. being healthy is a must, and to support it, the government should allocate the national income which is gotten from the tax. by giving
health
Use synonyms
 facilities
such
Linking Words
 as hospitals, clinics, and ambulances,
for
Change preposition
so
show examples
 those who are getting sick will
cure
Wrong verb form
be cured
show examples
 as soon as possible, and allowing
people
Use synonyms
 to get fast response for their
health
Use synonyms
 problem. Good
health
Use synonyms
 care which facility is easy to reach will reduce the number of
death
Fix the agreement mistake
deaths
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 as well.
for example
Linking Words
, if there is someone who is getting a heart attack, he or she will
treat
Wrong verb form
be treated
show examples
 in a short time. clearly,
health
Use synonyms
 facilities are important for everyone.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, education is the key to increasing good human resources. for countries whose
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 are educated, will allow it to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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great
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
.
for example
Linking Words
, the United Nations where most of the
people
Use synonyms
 have university degrees can develop new technology to build the country.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can grow the gross domestic bruto, which leads to an increase
Use synonyms
people's
Change preposition
in people's
show examples
 income. in conclusion, despite spending taxpayer's money on education will be good for human resources,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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in my opinion, I believe that
health
Use synonyms
 is must
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the top priority, because it can improve community welfare

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coherence cohesion
You have addressed parts of the task, indicating an understanding of the material, but your essay lacks full development in supporting your points. Your introduction and conclusion are present, but their connection to the body could be more cohesive. Try to use a wider range of structures and link ideas more effectively. Make sure each paragraph flows logically to the next.
task achievement
You have provided a roughly equal discussion for both views, which is good for the balance of the essay. However, your response doesn't fully answer the essay question because it lacks a detailed explanation and specific examples. The examples provided are generic and do not demonstrate the ability to use these examples effectively to support your argument. Make sure you give clear reasons for your arguments and support them with precise examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Universal healthcare
  • Preventative measures
  • Productivity
  • Innovation
  • Economic prosperity
  • Alleviate
  • Resource allocation
  • Public-private partnerships
  • Informed electorate
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Primary education
  • Higher education
  • Life expectancy
  • Civic engagement
  • Sustainable development
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