The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider, the rich richer, the poor even poorer. What problems can the situation cause and give the solutions?
It
is commonly believe
that the Change the verb form
is commonly believed
people
of lowest
income Correct article usage
the lowest
being
poorer. Wrong verb form
are
however
, The people
of highest
income becoming Correct article usage
the highest
more
richer. The exam will examine some benefits that Change the word
apply
this
trend may bring also
some drawbacks that
and Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
trend will come up with feasible solution
.
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
Fast
and foremost the Correct your spelling
First
economical
balance of our Replace the word
economic
country
is very poor. There are various cause
in our system. Poor Fix the agreement mistake
causes
people
are suffering for money
. Moreover
, They would not spend money
for
their dreams. WheneverChange preposition
on
,
they Remove the comma
apply
planned
Wrong verb form
plan
for upgrading
their business Change preposition
to upgrade
there
Correct your spelling
their
money
is not enough. Therefore
, they tried to take loans from Correct article usage
the bank
bank
but they Fix the agreement mistake
banks
don't
have anything for leise that's why Wrong verb form
didn't
bank
did not give them Add an article
the bank
money
. A recent survey is
that our Verb problem
shows
country
is a wide green country
and there are various farmers in our country
. In 2020, when the price of onions are
becoming high, the mid-brokers -who are dealing with farmers and General Stores, Correct subject-verb agreement
is
buying
all the onions from farmers at reasonable Wrong verb form
buy
price
, In fact, those brokers Fix the agreement mistake
prices
selling
these onions at Wrong verb form
sell
higher
rate. Add an article
a higher
the higher
As a result
, poor
Correct article usage
the poor
even
Add a missing verb
are even
more
poorer and the richest Change the word
apply
people
are becoming more
richer.
There are some solutions which can deal with Change the word
apply
this
problem nowadays this
problem is a very big issue. Despite this
, our country
should change the whole bank system. If banks give loans to poor individuals, they were
increase Unnecessary verb
apply
there
Correct your spelling
their
farm
and ground for planting seeds and Fix the agreement mistake
farms
also
they were
buy some animals, Unnecessary verb
apply
tractors
for Correct word choice
and tractors
there
business, which can help them to take more and more crops.
And Correct your spelling
their
one
another reason is that they have to sell crops direct to the shops.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Otherwise
some rich Add a comma
Otherwise,
peoples
are fully corrupted.Fix the agreement mistake
people
Government
should take steps for these Correct article usage
The government
peoples
.Fix the agreement mistake
people
Submitted by ilhanctg2019 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear structure, transitions, and a cogent argument flow. It is essential to have distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences that connect back to the main question. Start with an introduction that paraphrases the question, then present problems and solutions in separate paragraphs, and conclude with a summary or final thought.
coherence cohesion
Introduce the topic with a clear thesis statement and include a conclusion that summarizes your main points. Ensure that each paragraph has one main idea that is developed and expanded upon.
coherence cohesion
Main points should be supported with specific examples and explanations. The examples you provided were somewhat relevant, but they need to be explained clearly in the context of the argument. Avoid generalizations and ensure that the examples clearly illustrate your point.
task achievement
The response does not fully address the elements of the task. Be sure to address the question directly with both problems and solutions thoroughly discussed. Use the essay to present a balanced argument with a clear stance throughout.
task achievement
Ideas are presented but not developed comprehensively. Each point requires a detailed explanation and argument. Make sure that all your ideas directly relate to the essay question. Clarify your ideas to ensure the reader can understand and follow your arguments easily.
task achievement
The essay includes specific examples which is good. However, it could benefit from the inclusion of a wider range of examples and deeper analysis to strengthen the argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.