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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the number of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia last year Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #persons #job #type #sex #australia #year #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph illustrates
medium
Correct article usage
the medium
show examples
 of earning of
australian
Change the capitalization
Australian
show examples
 residents through seven different types of jobs namely, posted as managers,
professionals
,
semi
Add a hyphen
semi-professionals
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professionals
,
tradepersons
Correct your spelling
tradespersons
trade persons
, production, classical and labourers in
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2003.
overall
,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
females
 working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various posts kept fluctuating. it is apparent from the graph that
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 leading number of
females
 were employed as
clasical
Correct your spelling
classical
whereas
 most
males
 were seen working as
tradepersons
Correct your spelling
tradespersons
trade persons
.
Firstly
,
males
 hired as managers and
professionals
 were almost identical in numbers lying around 600 to 700. it is evident that posts like
professionals
 and
clasical
Correct your spelling
classical
were having
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
 differences between male and female counts.
on the contrary
,
tradepersons
Correct your spelling
tradespersons
trade persons
 and production
category
Fix the agreement mistake
categories
show examples
 of employment noticed vast differences numerically among both
sex
Change to a plural noun
sexes
show examples
.
On the other hand
,job profiles
such
 as labourers had almost 400
males
 and nearly 300
females
 compared to
semi
Add a hyphen
semi-professionals
show examples
professionals
 consisting
nearly
Change preposition
of nearly
show examples
 500
males
 and 350
females
. one of the key highlighting
feature
Change to a plural noun
features
show examples
 was less than 200
females
 hired in
tradepersons
Correct your spelling
tradespersons
trade persons
 and production jobs.
Submitted by harvibhatt1705 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words professionals, tradepersons, females, males with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Employment figures
  • Sectors
  • Significant disparities
  • Gender balance
  • Skewed
  • Trends
  • Patterns
  • Dominant
  • Inferred
  • Labor market
  • Year-on-year comparison
  • Insights
  • Implications
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