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Band 3

The rise of social media has affected personal relationships and society as a whole. Do the advantages of using social media for communication outweight the disadvantages?

#rise #media #relationships #society #communication #outweight
Nowadays, the rise of social media has affected human relationships.
This
 essay will talk about
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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whether using social media is beneficial or harmful. On the one hand, there are a number of major drawbacks when people spend too much
time
 playing with technological devices. The first drawback is
this
 trend would have an adverse impact on their health. People who devote a large amount of their
time
 to surfing on Facebook or screen
time
 activities are more likely to suffer from various health
problem
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problems
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such
 as
eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
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 strain or obesity. Another negative effect is more spend
time
 on online entertainment activities means less
time
 for other social activities.
On the other hand
, I believe that the benefits are more significant than
such
 disadvantages.
Firstly
, new technology
help
Change the verb form
helps
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 people enrich their knowledge and learn a wide range
valuable
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of valuable
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skill
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skills
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.
Secondly
, hi-tech gadgets stimulate children’s creativity and imagination.
Finally
, children
help
Verb problem
have
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 more opportunities to make friends from all over the world by using social networking sites
such
 as Twitter or Instagram. In conclusion, I would argue that the appearance of new technological
improve
Replace the word
improvements
show examples
 brings more benefits than drawbacks.

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Introduction
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the topic and previews the main points you will discuss.
Coherence
Make certain to include topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea.
Task Response
It is crucial to provide specific examples to support each point made. Consider adding statistical data, authoritative quotes, or detailed scenarios that directly relate to the point.
Grammar
Maintain consistency in verb tenses throughout your essay to improve readability and coherence.
Paragraph Structure
Aim for paragraph construction that begins with a clear topic sentence followed by supporting details and a concluding sentence to summarize or restate the key point.
Conclusion
Revise your conclusion to restate the main point of the essay and summarize the key arguments discussed. Avoid introducing new information.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • revolutionized
  • online communities
  • facilitated
  • sense of belonging
  • entrepreneurs
  • decreased face-to-face interactions
  • misinformation
  • echo chambers
  • excessive use
  • mental health issues
  • impermanence
  • rapid pace
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