Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country whew they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Specialists with certain skills prefer to
work
at
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in
show examples
big cities, and
as a result
, the gap between the metropolis and the country becomes larger.
While
some people believe that
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
individuals should
work
at
Change preposition
for at
show examples
least
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
years
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
small cities to develop them, others think
this
can violate individuals' right to where to
work
. I agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that the right to choose one's
work
location should be applied
all
Change preposition
to all
show examples
jobs.
This
essay will describe both views with
relavant
Correct your spelling
relevant
examples and reasons. On the one hand, some of the public argue that mandatory service period only for certain vocations is unfair. They believe that in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
democratic society, it is not reasonable to force professionals to
work
small
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in small
show examples
towns.
For example
, employees at Korea
industrial national bank
Correct your spelling
Industrial National Bank
show examples
strongly protested when the government announced the plan that move the headquarters of the bank to another city from Seoul. Just requiring
sacrifice
Add an article
the sacrifice
a sacrifice
show examples
of individuals who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
a certain job without other appropriate measures can cause negative
reaction
Fix the agreement mistake
reactions
show examples
from
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apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
On the other hand
, others think that professionals should
work
at
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in
show examples
the country to secure necessary social
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
for locals.
For instance
,
due to
the lack of big hospitals in the rural area, some folks who
injured
Add a missing verb
are injured
show examples
can miss their golden time to save their lives on their way to the doctors.
However
, trainees for professional jobs cannot be a great help to solve
this
problem. It's time to consider what is the best solution
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
local residents can get mandatory services
such
as medical and welfare.
To conclude
, the mandatory working of professionals can help to ease the problems of rural areas,
however
, it can result in demotivation
those
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of those
show examples
who have certain jobs.
Therefore
,
comprehensive
Add an article
a comprehensive
show examples
approach is needed to solve the discrepancy between major cities and the country.
Submitted by ywb516 on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and the essay progresses logically from the introduction to the conclusion. Transitions could be smoother, and the ideas could flow better from one to another.
task achievement
The response covers the task but lacks depth in analysing the two points of view. Clearer and more extensive arguments should be presented with more specific examples to support each view. Clarify your own position more distinctly and develop your opinion further.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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