Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #society #entertainment #sport #celebrities

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The topic of deserving

salaries

Use synonyms

according to

Linking Words

different sectors has long been a debatable topic. A common significant question is always standing in front of whether

doctors

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nurses

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and

teachers

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deserve more

salaries

Use synonyms

compared to media and sports celebrities or either way around .

However

Linking Words

, in my opinion, the societal pillars, namely,

doctors

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nurses

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and

teachers

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deserve more recognition and

salaries

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for their huge contribution towards society rather than celebrities belonging to the entertainment and sports sectors. The health sector and educational sector are reprehensible for the future outcome of societies. The

teachers

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are considered the epitome of knowledge and cultivate well-rounded

individuals

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to foster a strong and vibrant societal structure.

Therefore

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, wisdom is the pillar of not only cultivating stronger societies but

also

Linking Words

intelligent

individuals

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For instance

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, strengthening the younger generations' backbone of knowledge will aid in enormous benefits for the country and ensure a brighter future. Thence, the position of a teacher should be respected and

well paid

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well-paid

show examples

Furthermore

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, the

doctors

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and

nurses

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are considered God in physical form,

due to

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the fact that they hold

capability

Add an article

the capability

show examples

to bring human lives back from the dead. The honorary people,

such

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doctors

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and

nurses

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, possess not only knowledge but

also

Linking Words

credibility of work. A great example would be the heart-wrenching time of the pandemic Covid-19 which has caused a human death spree. Every second people used to die

due to

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such

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disastrous ailments and only the

doctors

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and

nurses

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went beyond their way and helped save human beings from

such

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a violent pandemic.

Therefore

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, these

individuals

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are the saviour of our species

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and

hence

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deserve more significance regarding finance. In conclusion, Both

teachers

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and,

doctors

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and

nurses

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deserve higher

salaries

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for their essential contribution towards society and mankind than entertainment and sports celebrities. As a suggestion, the government must improve payment policies and provide deserving shares to people

according to

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the amount of value those

individuals

Use synonyms

are bringing to society.

Submitted by nehakarmakar45 on Tue Jan 16 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

Your essay has a decent logical structure, with appropriately structured paragraphs. However, to improve, ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with better use of cohesive devices.

Coherence & Cohesion

An introduction and conclusion are present, yet you could make them more impactful by clearly stating your thesis in the introduction and summarising your main points in the conclusion.

Coherence & Cohesion

You provided clear main points to support your argument. Strengthen your argument by diversifying the types of supporting details used. Including data, quotes from authorities, or real-life examples can provide more depth to your essay.

Task Achievement

You have addressed the task and presented your argument. To enhance your score, ensure that you cover all parts of the prompt completely and develop your points fully. Remember that every aspect of the question should be discussed.

Task Achievement

The ideas in your essay are clearly communicated and fairly comprehensive. However, you might lose marks if your ideas are not fully developed or you do not have a clear position throughout the response.

Task Achievement

Use specific examples to illustrate your points. The examples you provided are too general and lack specificity. Implementing concrete examples from credible sources will strengthen your argument and improve your essay's persuasiveness.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

321 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

contribution
essential
well-being
education
training
dedication
entertain
inspire
significant
exorbitant
attract
talented
professions
improve
overall
quality
healthcare
priority
development
citizens

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Doctors, nurses and teachers make a great contribution to society and should be payed more than entertainment and sport celebrities. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this viewpoint?

Students should pay the full cost for their own study, because university education benefits individuals rathan than society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries today, everyday necessities like food and petrol have become very expensive. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

COins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and back cards. DO you agree or disagree that eventually we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone?