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Band 7

Some Industry leaders belive that children should learn computer programming in primary school.To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

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Acquiring the skill to program electronic devices plays a crucial part in the
further
 development of industries so
as a result
 many employers suggest that the young should be obligated to learn
this
 in elementary school. The writer of
this
 essay supports that statement because computers aid the cognitive development of children and grant them useful skills for their future careers. It must be recognised that in order to obtain
such
 mastery in those devices, the learners must have excellent logical thinking and outstanding memory. What
this
 means is that IT(information technology) assist young individuals in growing their ways of thinking;
thus
, helping them excel in other fields
such
 as math or science because IT is based on those subjects.
Additionally
, in real-life situations, a child who has interacted with computers before can think of creative remedies to resolve a problem and the same can be applied to tests in school as they can come up with an approach to the given questions never seen before.
Accordingly
, it has been scientifically proven by many studies
as
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 beings who use devices with internet connection are much more intelligent and inventive when compared with their counterparts. It must
also
 be acknowledged that every occupation in the current era requires employees to have some knowledge of electronics.
This
further
 exemplifies the benefits of engaging in programming as juniors can acquire a skill which in the near future will have many beneficial effects as it will reduce the chances of unemployment. In conclusion, allowing the young to study computer science is essential for their maturation and their careers.
This
 essay has shown the advantages of learning to use electronic equipment at an early age.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-organized, but the transitions between points can be smoother. Try using more linking phrases to ensure a seamless flow between ideas.
task achievement
While your main points are clear and relevant, you could enhance your essay by providing more specific examples or statistics to support your claims.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is strong, and you clearly state your position on the issue, setting up a solid foundation for your essay.
logical structure
You effectively emphasize the benefits of learning computer programming by discussing cognitive development and future career advantages.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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