Students should focus on learning in the classroom rather than show their status by wearing fashionable clothes. Thebefore, all students have to wear school uniforms. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Based on the statement above, in my opinion, schools as a public
institution
have a principle that every Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
student
has the same right and responsibility to study aligned with education rules. Policy of schools made
concerned with avoiding discrimination and socioeconomic status gap between one Verb problem
apply
student
to another student
.
Basically, differences in fashion in the academy will influence students to against school rules and they usually show bad behaviour. For example
, there is a girl student
who brings a lip tint and make-up stuff and then
shares Correct pronoun usage
it to
to
classmates to follow her. That the situation will motivate them to just focus on their make-up activities Change preposition
with
instead
be diligent about their studying. In the worst case, they will join to toxic circle such
as becoming drug consumers or always going to the pub and doing discotic things.
Also
, if there are no rules that every student
must wear the same uniform it will show a social gap which is be able causes
bullying because of the different lifestyles between rich Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
student
and poor Fix the agreement mistake
students
student
. Fix the agreement mistake
students
Furthermore
, when students build a friendship they tend to choose a person who fulfills their preferences or criteria. If didn't fit the criteria, a circle of friends would eliminate them.
In conclusion, we as a student
must back to the basic purpose of school which is studying and learning to get useful knowledge. School is not a place for flexing your lifestyle or socioeconomic status. Every student
has the same degree and chance to get an education. According to
the statement, I agree that student
must focus on their study instead
show a fashion style or something that is
out of context.Submitted by syahrazade56 on
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coherence cohesion
It's important to maintain a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Some ideas were presented without a clear connection to the main argument. Try to enhance the connectivity between paragraphs and sentences.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be improved by more clearly stating your thesis and summarizing your main points in the conclusion. Your introduction should clearly establish your viewpoint and outline the essay's structure.
coherence cohesion
Your main points could be more effectively supported by using a wider range of evidence, examples, and data. Personal opinions and hypothetical scenarios are good, but more concrete examples would strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay somewhat addresses the prompt, but you should ensure that your response directly and fully answers the given question. There were some portions of the response that could be more relevant.
task achievement
Your ideas are clear, but consider exploring them in greater depth to comprehensively tackle all aspects of the prompt. Expand on your ideas to show better understanding and provide more detailed discussion.
task achievement
Including specific and relevant examples can greatly enhance your arguments. Your current examples are somewhat generic and can benefit from being more detailed and directly related to your key points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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