As in many cases, a huge part of governments’ monetary resources are dedicated to education, some argue that scholars must be taught in a way to be useful exclusively for society, regardless of their own aims. However, others including me believe that one of the main goals of education is gaining personal goals.
As in many cases, a huge part of governments’ monetary
reources
are dedicated to Correct your spelling
resources
education
, some argue that scholars must be taught in a way to be useful exclusively for society, regardless of their own aims. However
, others including me believe that one of the main goals of eduaction
is gaining personal goals.
On the one hand, Correct your spelling
education
obviously
significant budgets are allocated to universities and schools with the aim Add a comma
obviously,
boosting
the quality of the educational system status; as Change preposition
of boosting
goveremnets
want to Correct your spelling
governments
gurauntee
they will have experts in various Correct your spelling
guarantee
fileds
in the future. Correct your spelling
fields
Also
, some part of these funds are provided by taxes, paying
by ordinary folks; Wrong verb form
paid
as a result
, they expect that those scholars work with their hearts for their country and try to develop it. For example
, in the UK all the individuals including workers, teachers and engineers have to pay heavy taxes, decreasing their annaul
salaries; so they definitely want to benefit from Correct your spelling
annual
this
action, without paying attention to the students’
personal ambitions.
Correct your spelling
student’s
On the other hand
, the other application of the
Correct article usage
apply
education
is to help scholars to
Change preposition
apply
broad
their minds in order to discover their abilities to set goals for their future lives. Replace the word
broaden
Moreover
, after spending several years on
Change preposition
in
educating
, some find out they are Replace the word
education
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
to
Change preposition
in
further
education
which is necessary to be a professional. For instance
, some students just after finishing highschool
or even university find their real interests namely working as a musician or being a farmer. So, forcing them to go on to higher Correct your spelling
high school
education
just because of making society pleasant does not sound logical. That is
because, each year, appropriate
number of professionals graduate, leaving no room for Add an article
the appropriate
an appropriate
lack
of experts.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
a lack
however
, loads and bunches of financial resources are dedicated to educational systems, but I suppose it is not fair to sacrifice someone’s dreams just due to
this
phenomenon.Submitted by n97.mortazian on
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task achievement
The response addresses the prompt and recognizes both sides of the argument, indicating a personal stance. However, task achievement could improve by ensuring that ideas and examples are more precisely and fully developed to address the prompt in depth.
coherence cohesion
Organization is clear, but the essay could benefit from improved paragraphing and the use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow. Aim to vary sentence structure for added clarity and cohesion between ideas.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?