As in many cases, a huge part of governments’ monetary resources are dedicated to education, some argue that scholars must be taught in a way to be useful exclusively for society, regardless of their own aims. However, others including me believe that one of the main goals of education is gaining personal goals.

#cases #part #governments’ #resources #education #argue #scholars #society #goals

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

As in many cases, a huge part of governments’ monetary

reources

Correct your spelling

resources

are dedicated to

education

Use synonyms

, some argue that scholars must be taught in a way to be useful exclusively for society, regardless of their own aims.

However

Linking Words

, others including me believe that one of the main goals of

eduaction

Correct your spelling

education

is gaining personal goals. On the one hand,

obviously

Add a comma

obviously,

show examples

significant budgets are allocated to universities and schools with the aim

boosting

Change preposition

of boosting

show examples

the quality of the educational system status; as

goveremnets

Correct your spelling

governments

want to

gurauntee

Correct your spelling

guarantee

they will have experts in various

fileds

Correct your spelling

fields

in the future.

Also

Linking Words

, some part of these funds are provided by taxes,

paying

Wrong verb form

paid

show examples

by ordinary folks;

as a result

Linking Words

, they expect that those scholars work with their hearts for their country and try to develop it.

For example

Linking Words

, in the UK all the individuals including workers, teachers and engineers have to pay heavy taxes, decreasing their

annaul

Correct your spelling

annual

salaries; so they definitely want to benefit from

this

Linking Words

action, without paying attention to the

students’

Correct your spelling

student’s

show examples

personal ambitions.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the other application of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

education

Use synonyms

is to help scholars

Change preposition

apply

show examples

broad

Replace the word

broaden

show examples

their minds in order to discover their abilities to set goals for their future lives.

Moreover

Linking Words

, after spending several years

Change preposition

show examples

educating

Replace the word

education

show examples

, some find out they are

intrested

Correct your spelling

interested

Change preposition

show examples

further

Linking Words

education

Use synonyms

which is necessary to be a professional.

For instance

Linking Words

, some students just after finishing

highschool

Correct your spelling

high school

show examples

or even university find their real interests namely working as a musician or being a farmer. So, forcing them to go on to higher

education

Use synonyms

just because of making society pleasant does not sound logical.

That is

Linking Words

because, each year,

appropriate

Add an article

the appropriate

an appropriate

show examples

number of professionals graduate, leaving no room for

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of experts. In conclusion,

however

Linking Words

, loads and bunches of financial resources are dedicated to educational systems, but I suppose it is not fair to sacrifice someone’s dreams just

due to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

phenomenon.

Submitted by n97.mortazian on Tue Jan 16 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

The response addresses the prompt and recognizes both sides of the argument, indicating a personal stance. However, task achievement could improve by ensuring that ideas and examples are more precisely and fully developed to address the prompt in depth.

coherence cohesion

Organization is clear, but the essay could benefit from improved paragraphing and the use of cohesive devices to enhance the flow. Aim to vary sentence structure for added clarity and cohesion between ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

309 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
It is said that today in some nations people have chosen increasingly to live alone more than the past. I strongly believe that it is a negative development.
Living alone is a new trend which many people specially who live in developed countries tend to it. However, this lifestyle can reduce their quality of life. When people live alone, they may bear weight all costs and responsibilities. For example, they may face skyrocketing housing prices and living costs. As a result, they may rent or buy an inappropriate house or may not be able to manage their costs. This leads to a reduction of their quality of life.
8
band
Some people think that countries should limit the amount of food that they import and mainly eat products from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
A lot of countries trade products with other nations. Some individuals would argue that these countries must limit these imports and focus on their own production as the main source of nutrition. I believe that it is better to maintain the import of food from other countries because it is a good way to keep a variety in the supermarket for customers and possibly get better food quality.
6.5
band
in many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue can be solved?
It is widely known that there is a decline in the number of plants and animals in many nations. Globalization is the main reason behind this phenomenon and this writer strongly believes that building more zoos and mixing between trees and buildings are feasible solutions.
6.5
band
In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
When discussing fast food, it is becoming more economically viable and readily accessible in some countries. I strongly believe that this is an adverse trend and that the drawbacks are far surpassing benefits.
5
band
Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Become expert in a such specialist qualification is a must amongst the students. Some higher educational institutions aim for their pupils to study not only fundamental ones but also additional educational program courses, meanwhile, others assume that it is more critical to allocate their time and pay attention to the subject that they are qualified. I perceive that this condition would have some impact on the students later on. Thus, I would like to explain both of those conditions and the following additional reasons.

Your opinion

It is said that today in some nations people have chosen increasingly to live alone more than the past. I strongly believe that it is a negative development.

Some people think that countries should limit the amount of food that they import and mainly eat products from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

in many countries, the number of animals and plants is declining. Why do you think this is happening? How can this issue can be solved?

In many countries, fast food is becoming cheaper and more widely available. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.