IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Today more and more people want things instantly (eg goods, service, news). Why is this "Is it positive or negative development?"

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Nowadays, the majority of the population has a desire to get immediate gratification
as well as
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 results for everything. Some people claim that
this
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 means it has good results for our social development, but, others believe
that is
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 negative and bad.
Due to
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 various opinions,
this
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 essay will explain all the causes concerning the event and present a proper summary. On the one hand, an increasing number of folks prefer speedy actions and reactions, so many new technologies have been invented to assist the population with their needs.
As a result
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, the
time
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 that individuals have to wait for the services no longer exists,
instead
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 they will complete other work for the rest of the day.
Moreover
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, automation is another groundbreaking innovation which has made peoples’ daily activities enjoyable and comfortable.
For example
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, washing machines, electronic cookware, refrigerators, air-conditioning and the list is endless. Because of inventions, people’s knowledge has broadened the horizon.
Therefore
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, I think things can be faster, the more
time
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 we can save Turning to the other side of the argument, some pitfalls can easily overwhelm the potential benefits of
this
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 trend. It can contribute to a lack of perseverance and patience among individuals. The practice of delayed gratification, where individuals invest
time
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 and effort for long-term rewards, is crucial for personal growth, skill development and achieving ambitious goals. What is more, it affects human beings very badly when they depend on technology too much.
For instance
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,
according to
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 research at Cambridge University, London 90 per cent of youngsters who are hospitalized struggle with serious ailments. In summary, to make more money, people invest a lot of
time
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 working, which leaves them no
time
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 for other errands. They prefer getting things done faster so that they can focus on making more money.
However
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, it causes some problems
such
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 as effects on human health or lack of some necessary skills for the public who depend on invention too much.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a clear stance on the topic and discusses both positive and negative aspects, which is good. However, ensure your main points are directly linked to why this trend of instant gratification is positive or negative. Some points seemed a bit off-topic.
task achievement
Try to be more specific and relevant with your examples. The example from Cambridge University would be more convincing if it linked more clearly to the idea of instant gratification and technology dependence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically from one point to the next. While your ideas are organized, transitions between contrasting points (positive and negative aspects) could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a more balanced structure in discussing both sides of the argument. Equal treatment for both points will enhance the coherence and make the essay seem more well-rounded.
task achievement
The essay covers both perspectives on the issue, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion frame the essay well, indicating a clear argument structure.
coherence cohesion
Usage of terms like 'immediate gratification', 'automation', and 'delayed gratification' indicate a good grasp of vocabulary related to the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant gratification
  • advent of technology
  • smartphones
  • internet
  • social media platforms
  • online shopping
  • fast-paced nature
  • modern life
  • immediate satisfaction
  • drive innovation
  • efficiency
  • streamlined
  • user-friendly
  • erosion of patience
  • impulsive buying
  • shallow consumption
  • interpersonal relationships
  • unrealistic standards
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