Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

World
Correct article usage
The world
show examples
became aware of environmental
problems
that resulted in a reduction of human quality of life.
However
, people still argue whether
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
of particular
species
of flora and fauna is the main one and others
who said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
there are more related
problems
. In my opinion, there are several living things that need to be preserved for a better environment, but to do that we need to do more comprehensive
problems
such
as global warming and the rise of
sea
level
. On one hand, once a
species
becomes extinct, it can not be restored. As a
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
show examples
, the food chain can be disrupted which results in losses of endemic flora and fauna which are iconic in one’s country.
For instance
, when the only
large-fruit eating
Add a hyphen
large-fruit-eating
show examples
animals
, Dodo birds,
declared
Add a missing verb
were declared
show examples
gone and
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
not be found anymore, many scientists stated
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their observation that many big fruits
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
not dispersed and many other small
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
populations
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
declining. Not only that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
Dodo birds are endemic only in Mauritius Island, so other countries can not help to repopulate Dodo birds until now,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
the small island is so remote and there are no effects on the
world
's flora and fauna.
On the other hand
,
to choose
Change the verb form
choosing
show examples
which
species
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are the most important to be protected
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
hard and each country has their own unique
species
, so other important
problems
like global warming and the rise of
sea
level
are the most needed to tackle in
this
era. Global warming has caused the loss of habitat of many temperature-sensitive
species
in the
world
, which could result in
failure
Correct article usage
the failure
show examples
of biodiversity. The other
problems
that have a direct impact
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
sea
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
which
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
drowned cities and islands inhabited by humans. They are not the only reason these phenomena happened, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
can be traced to
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
reasons and preventions for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
environment in the whole
world
. In conclusion, environmental
problems
do not mainly only affect the number of
animals
and plants. Only by joining hands to deal with more important and whole
problems
like global warming and the rise of
sea
level
, these
animals
, plants, and human society can
also
have a better life and chance to keep living.
Submitted by claudideborah on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses the task, some aspects of the response could be more fully extended. It is necessary to fully explore all parts of the task. When discussing both views, ensure they are equally developed, and examples must be specific and clearly linked to the points being made.
coherence cohesion
The logical structuring of the essay requires attention. Make use of a clear and logical order for ideas which builds an argument systematically. Use a range of cohesive devices to aid clarity and coherency, while avoiding overuse or misuse which can hinder understanding.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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