IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes if this? How can this problem be solved?

The high increase in
population
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 has become a major problem in urban
areas
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 globally.
This
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 drawback is caused by elevated birth rates, immigration, and deficient infrastructure.
This
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 essay will explore
this
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 phenomenon and propose possible solutions to alleviate its negative impacts.
To begin
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 with, high birth rates in some developing countries contribute to rapid urban
population
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 growth.
Additionally
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, urban overpopulation is significantly influenced by the migration of residents from rural to urban
areas
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. People are driven to move to
cities
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due to
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 limited job opportunities and inadequate healthcare. On one hand, people often relocate to urban
areas
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 for better and higher salaries.
Furthermore
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, living in a metropolitan city can enjoy a higher quality of life because the resources are sufficient.
For example
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, many hospitals are located in
cities
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,
hence
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 it is convenient for individuals who are living in
cities
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 to seek nursing or medical services.
Moreover
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, there are three effective solutions to tackle
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, promoting family planning measures and raising awareness about the implications of rapid
population
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 growth can help stabilize birth rates.
Secondly
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, it is crucial to prioritize sustainable development in the countryside. By focusing on infrastructure, education, and job opportunities, rural
areas
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 can become more productive.
As a result
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, it contributes to reducing migration to urban centres.
Lastly
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, constructing hospitals can provide medical services to citizens.
For Instance
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, there is no need for someone who is feeling unwell to travel to the city when they can conveniently access medical resources in their area.
To conclude
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, it is challenging to prevent the issue of overpopulation in
cities
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. By implementing
population
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 control measures, creating more jobs, investing in public development, and establishing hospitals, we can effectively reduce
this
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 problem.

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Coherence Cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is evident, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, to improve the coherence and cohesion further, transitions between ideas could be smoother and more varied. Use a wider range of cohesive devices and ensure that they are not repetitive or overused.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the task reasonably well, identifying some causes and providing a few solutions to the problem of overpopulation. To enhance the score for task response, consider developing ideas more fully and ensuring that all points are relevant to the prompt. Elaborate on the provided examples to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Migration
  • Sustainable development
  • Infrastructure
  • Population density
  • Urban sprawl
  • Urban planning
  • Renewable energy
  • Family planning
  • Rural economies
  • Public transport
  • Living standards
  • Healthcare access
  • Educational facilities
  • Employment opportunities
  • Regulations
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