IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

You would like to buy some electrical goods at a shop in a town which is far from your home.Write a letter to the manager of the shop. In your letter: say which electrical goods you want ask questions about the cost of the goods and how to pay explain how you will collect the goo

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Dear Sir, I am writing to you to inquire about electronic items that I am looking to buy for my new apartment. Recently, I purchased an apartment in the city centre of Vancouver, and I want some electronic
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I want a big
high definition
Add a hyphen
high-definition
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 75 inches Television for my living area. I have been searching
it
Change preposition
for it
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 since I bought my flat. I have been to many stores to buy a big TV but, I did not get anyone. I have been wondering when one of my friends recommended me about your showroom.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I
also
Linking Words
 need a microwave for my kitchen as well. It should be an LG brand as I believe that they make
an good quality equipment
Remove the article
good quality equipment
a piece of good quality equipment
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. I am wondering about what would be the prices for both the TV and the microwave. It would be great If you let me know so that I can arrange funds for that.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, I am convenient with both card and cash payment but, please let me know before you send delivery. It would be great if you set up the delivery of both the items to my address. I would pay you extra delivery charges if it takes any. I will wait for your response, please let me at your convenience. Yours faithfully, Jasneet

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coherence and cohesion
Consider organizing the letter into clear paragraphs by separating your requests about the TV and microwave into two distinct sections. This helps improve clarity.
task achievement
Ensure that your questions are clearly formatted and easy to find, possibly by bullet points or differentiating them in a separate statement.
task achievement
The letter maintains a polite tone throughout, which is appropriate for a formal request.
task achievement
You expressed a clear purpose and specific item requests, demonstrating a good understanding of the task requirements.
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